remain calm, have a cupcake

Where have you been?!

2012-01-01T19:56:00.001-06:00

It's been over a month. Why? Because i have to write about something that i don't want to. It makes me sad. To be honest, I try not to think about it because it makes me want to cry. You know how you have to cry about things sometimes, like a break up or a death, you just have to take time out to cry about it. Let it out. Though it isn't a break up, or as sad as a death this is one of those things that needs to be cried about. I haven't done that yet though. And in reality, even if I need to, I don't want to.

The day of my last post, the day after D's birthday & party Mathew had an appointment to go meet with the back surgeon {catch up on the story behind that here}. At Mathew's age [26] surgery is the last resort. They had tried shots, physical therapy & chiropractic care for his "slipped" disc. His orthopedic doctor told him physical therapy would help strengthen his back & put those vertebra back where they should be to help heal the discs. But when Mathew went to the surgeon that day they told him what the problem was. They also told him that because of his young age they tried everything else first. They scheduled him for a cat-scan of the area just to be sure and to see exactly what they were dealing with. Dr. Ipson noticed that Mathew has a fracture in his spine. There's a freaking crack in his spine. His spine is cracked. His back is freaking broken... right? if something's cracked, it's just as good as broken. No telling when this happened, but now it's to the point that it's affecting Mathew's discs. That's the only reason he noticed it. 5 discs to be exact. His entire back actually. L1-5. They are going to have to do surgery to fix it of course. He'll have a metal in him. They'll fuse all 5 discs. He will lose 60% mobility in his back.

He's 26. 26!

He can't work. He can't walk for more than 30 minutes, stand for more than 30 minutes, sit for very long, bend, pick up the kids, take out the trash, drive a car for very long, without possibly hurting himself. Without irritating his back. He can't even sit up or down the wrong way or it catches & hurts. It sucks. I think it sucks just thinking about it, I can't imagine what it's like for him. His surgery is scheduled for January 9th. He'll have to be in the hospital for a minimum of 3 days, but up to a week. Of course the insurance company only approved a 2 day stay. Um... this is major back surgery yo. To get to the lower part they'll have to go through the front, as a result of that they told him that there's a 50/50 chance he'll be sterile after the surgery. [he accidentally said impotent last time we were talking about this. LOL I told him to be careful and make sure he uses the right word when telling other people, cause we can't have that! ha!] I'm glad we already have our 2 little ones. The last of which made me realize 2 is enough, plenty.

My mom has taken the 9th & 10th off to come stay at our house so that my kids can be comfortable at home and I can be with Mathew at the hospital. Thank God for mom's right? I know I've said it before, but I'm so happy Billy is here too. He couldn't have moved in at a better time. Though he moved in right before Mathew got hurt and stopped working and sometimes I want to strangle both of them [there is such a thing as spending WAY to much time together] it's worked out great.

Mathew's recovery time is a minimum of 6 months I think. How does one function after back surgery? He'll need assistance with a lot of things. He'll need to be driven to doctors appointments, rehab. He'll be in a lot of pain. He'll probably be cranky. I know it sucks for him. I know he also, like me, prefers to take it a day at a time instead of thinking about it all. It's a major bummer.

But I also think about me. I mean I'll be there for him. ALL the way. every step of the way. but that's gonna suck too. I'm sure he'll be grumpy toward me. I'm sure he'll hate having to need my help for a lot of things. But we'll get through it and be ok. When he first told me about the possibility of surgery, before we knew how big a deal it was, my first thought was "um, i think you'll go straight to your mother's house from the hospital". I tell that & laugh, though part of me is serious. But when I tell that to some people they look at me like I'm a horrible person. I don't get that. No one WANTS to go through that. I mean I have 2 kids, 4 & almost 2 years old, and a house to take care of. I'm NOT looking forward to it. I'm afraid I'll lose my mind. I'm afraid to be tired, cranky, and mean all of the time. I'm afraid to have a freak out/break down/panic/anxiety attack/meltdown/go crazy. I'm usually the cool, calm, & collected one. Am I being selfish?

Whatever happens, I'll let you know. I'm sure there'll be a lot of late nights. crying. pain. arguments. Isabella has become a night owl. wakes up at 3 am every morning. can't fall back asleep til around 5 or 6. Mathew can't/won't go to bed til late. sometimes I'm so tired during the day that D falls asleep with me so at 8pm he's wired & ready to go for another 5 hours. which means I stay up with him and only get a few hours before Isabella wakes up. Then only get a couple more hours before D wakes up. It's a vicious cycle. I just try and keep my head above water with laundry, dishes & cleaning in between. plus food. did you know they require 3 meals a day + snacks?? and active kids who love to dance require lots to drink. which also means lots of diaper changes and peed on bathroom floors, walls, & cabinets, sometimes even the trashcan gets a few ounces of pee in it. it's awesome.

even with all of this going on, Douglas is the best kid ever. He's a fantastic older brother. Isabella misses him when she's awake at night just for those couple hours. Isabella is a pill, but she's great. She's so funny, loves to cuddle with me & her daddy, and is very independent. Mathew, he's doing ok for being in constant pain. For knowing that he can't provide for us like he wants to right now. For knowing that it's going to get worse before it gets better. He has his grumpy days, I don't blame him. But we love each other more than anything. He's my guy. I can't imagine a day without him.

I also have made some very close friends. I'm so thankful for them. one i lost due to.... well, we just can't be as close as we were anymore. But I still have Amanda & Liz. Amanda will be the "i need a break, please take my kids so I can sleep" friend. The "we have to get out of the house for an hour we'll be at your place in 5 minutes" friend. she's so reliable, and one of the few friends that lives less than 10 minutes away. Liz will be the "Mathew's asleep/grumpy/having a bad day & needs to be left alone we're coming over for the day" friend. The "I need a drink or some crack to keep from losing my mind, will you join me at 12am?" friend. [i don't really do crack, i'd be a lot skinnier if I did... hey! there's a idea!] She's also the "let's laugh our butts off & forget about your issues" friend. She's the life of the party and puts drama in every word she says.

We'd appreciate your prayers and well wishes for Mathew's surgery, just knowing that you care & have him in your thoughts helps more than you know.

I probably won't proof read this because I will just make myself cry. so I'm sorry if it's all over the place.

Super Douglas

2011-11-28T13:47:00.001-06:00

Douglas had a small birthday party yesterday. He turned 4! 4! I can't believe it! [read his birth story here] He's way into superheros right now so what better than a superhero party?! Here are some of the highlights!

each guest got a goody bag & balloon along with a custom superhero cape. They also got to decorate their own superhero mask!

My "fan favorite" chocolate cupcakes with cream cheese icing were a hit. Justice's cupcake eating is my favorite! [bottom left]

Douglas loved ALL his presents. At one point he even exclaimed "BATTERIES!" lol

A few weeks ago Mathew & Billy went out & found him a 3/4 guitar. His reaction says it all.

I think everyone had a good time. Even though in the last couple of weeks time just got away from me & I didn't invite as many people as I wanted to.

But at the end of the the day, this "Wonder Woman" was spent. pooped. exhausted.

Douglas

2011-11-27T00:00:00.001-06:00

November 27th, 2007. A Tuesday. 5 days after Thanksgiving. I was 264 days pregnant &I looked a little like this. [taken 15 days before]

Tired & huge.

I felt like I imagine an elephant feels.

When we found out we were expecting Mathew took a job with AWESOME pay & insurance. IN NORTH CAROLINA. Have you ever been to North Carolina? It's beautiful.

I loved it there. I miss it.

I had no close friends or family near by. For me that was actually a good thing because I don't like people watching me, looking at me, judging me when I don't know what I'm doing. And even if they aren't I think they are. I'm very self conscious when doing new things specially, you know... like with a baby! I was going to be a mom. I mean I babysat before but what was I going to do... with a baby?! I wasn't due for another 16 days. Everything had gone great during the pregnancy, except for a few minor things, like nose bleeds, carpal tunnel, things you wouldn't even think had anything to do with pregnancy.

At my doctor's appointment that morning Dr. Hanson said everything looked great but there was a tiny bit of protein in my urine & that if i didn't go into labor by the next visit [in 1 week] that we would talk about me being induced. He didn't want me to get preclampsia or for the baby to get too big for me.
[reminder, I'm 4ft 8]

Mathew went into work at 11PM the night before, I had my OB appointment first thing in the morning & was going to go get groceries right after it so he decided to just meet me at Walmart when he got off work. I needed him to go with me because I couldn't push the cart. [big belly, short arms]. I couldn't lift things. [big belly, short arms]. AND I wanted to buy everything that looked, sounded or smelled delicious. [no excuse there, I still do that.] We took our time, Mathew had to work that night so we were planning going home, put groceries away, have lunch then he'd go to bed & I'd probably nap too. While walking to the register I felt an ache in my lower back. It was a little different than previous pains so I told Mathew about it & told him I thought that day could be the day. It's a weird feeling. You're scared, nervous, excited, & hungry all at the same time.

We went home & did as we planned except for the sleeping part. When Mathew asked how I was feeling, I told him I wasn't having contractions but just had a feeling that it was going to happen. He knows that with me those feelings are usually right, so to kill time while he waited for me to go into labor he, of all things, played Xbox. He said he'd play for a little while, then shower, go to bed & we'd see what happened. I went up stairs to our bedroom and started cleaning up. My mom was set to get there on Thursday to help me with anything I needed before the baby came or after. Because of that I was all I gotta make the bed, make sure the trash cans are emptied, etc. I made the bed last. It was dumb because Mathew was just gonna go to bed & ruin it, but I did it anyway. Then as I was walking past our bathroom to go down stairs, I had the weirdest, grossest feeling. I ran to the bathroom, pulled my pants down [by then the only thing i could wear were those gauchos in the picture] & sat on the toilet.

Nope, not diarrhea. My water broke. I sensed when my water was going to break! Yeah, I'm pretty awesome. but I was surprised that it wasn't much. Did I just about pee myself?! It didn't feel like pee! Did I need a pad? I needed to call the doctor right? I called for Mathew. He knew something had happened right away & came running. I asked him to get me a pad just to be safe. I pulled my pants up & called the doctor, but not before Mathew asked if he had time to get in the shower. He did. I grabbed my make up, my phone charger, laid out Mathew's clothes & waited for him. We went downstairs & headed for the door, but as I walked by the downstairs bathroom I had that feeling again. I ran in the bathroom pulled my pants down & sat on the toilet. My water broke again? what's happening?? this time i was a bit late & got my pants a little wet. I didn't care. I needed to have this baby at a hospital so we needed to jet. Mathew grabbed a towel out of the laundry room & put it in my seat in the car. along the way it happened again. twice. I walked into that doctors office in my probably dripping wet pants. so much for a freaking pad. They took me right to the back & the doctor checked me. Mathew had never been in there for one of those things & seeing his face was priceless. The doctor said something funny, can't remember what, but when he did I laughed & I died, I stopped breathing & my heart seriously stopped. Why? Because when I laughed I squirted out more liquid. all over his sleeve. "It's ok Emma, happens all the time!". I didn't buy it, but it made me laugh again & it was all on the floor & it looked super gross. only me.

Dr. Hanson said that we could head to the hospital, that Dr. Brezina was on call & would be taking care of us. "good luck!"

What? I don't know if I'm ready for this. This, THIS is happening... wet, squirting pants & all.

The hospital was right down the road & we made it there in just a few minutes, I'd say around 2:30/3pm. But during the drive there was when the real contractions started. We walked in, Mathew trying to act like this wasn't one of the biggest events in our lives for my sake. Remember the picture above, the wet pants, the pain that was probably now apparent in my face in the form of a pissed off glare. "what are you here for today?" Stupid receptionist lady. Seriously?

After checking in with Captain Obvious & getting my now in crippling pain every 3-4 minute butt in a wheel chair, they took us to the delivery wing. I had never been at the hospital before, never remember getting a gown on except for at the OB's office & you girls know how fun those NOT A GOWN things are. Why don't they just tell you to "take your clothes off & try covering up with this papertowel." Anyway, 4ft 8, regular size person gown.. didn't work out too well. They went & found me a child's. More "water" squirting, hooking up to things, freaking out inside my head, closer by the minute contractions, etc...

The results of all the checking? - Elevated blood pressure [duh, but really it was more than it should have been], lots of protein in my urine. what?! it had only been 6 or so hours since I was checked out by my doctor & everything was fine!

This next part is a little fuzzy. They gave me something to slow down the labor. They were afraid I'd pass out & they needed to stabilize my blood pressure. They told me I could get the epidural if I wanted just in case the baby decided to come anyway. DUH! Mathew's face when he saw the needle: priceless. After that I felt great, they reclined my bed, gave me something to drink & told me that they needed me to rest. Mathew [who had been awake since 10pm the night before] & I finally took our nap.

They woke me up later to check me out & see if they needed to get me started pushing. Of course I was ripe for the picking. Mathew woke up with all the activity going on & we got the show started. I pushed a few times, I was thirsty, sweaty & just wanted it to be over. "do you need a break? it's ok if you want to take a break." "no!" "Ooh kay, support her leg dad, we need a BIG push". 2 pushes later &.... you know what?! a baby crowning out of your vag, even with an epidural hurts & burns like [censored]. Then the effing shoulders come through.

I'm trying to recall my thoughts, I can't. I was just there, in the moment, waiting for my baby. Dr.- "dad! you wanna cut the umbilical cord?" "no thanks!" "come here, you're cutting it, you'll regret it if you don't" "it's ok" "do it". Mathew took the scissors & gently tried to cut the umbilical cord. "wow" "you have to do it really hard try again" "oh man! that sucker's tough, they should make like bungee cord out of it something" - no joke.

He was here. Douglas was here. It wasn't just the 2 of us any more. He peed on the nurses as soon as he arrived & daddy cut him loose. He peed on the nurse that was trying to get his foot prints. That should have been an indication of what was to come. When you come to our house & use the main bathroom, please don't judge me by the strong smell of urine or any urine stains, drops, or puddles you may encounter.

I held him. I don't remember what all happened & what was said, but I was swollen, everywhere. every. where. They put bags of ice on my lady parts to make the swelling go down, & just covered me with a million blankets so I wouldn't be too cold. They said they'd have to keep me there for 24 hours & check on me every 1/2 hour. My blood pressure was crazy. I couldn't have my baby with me alone. someone else had to be in there with me. They were still afraid I'd pass out.

Everything turned out good & my blimpiness disappeared. We moved to a regular room after my 24 hours were up. My mom came to the hospital Thursday morning & we were released that afternoon. I remember coming home to a "wellcome baby" sign, my mom's cooking, & funny Salvadorian traditions. I was SO glad she was there. But mostly I was glad Douglas was there. His room was ready, his daddy was proud, & I was ready to be the best mom I could try to be. I wanted him to be his own person, I wanted to teach him that there was so much to learn from the world, that he should explore it. I wanted him to know God's love, God's forgiveness. I wanted him to know every song in the church hymnal but also Likin Park, Metallica, The Moldy Peaches, Bach, The Beetles, Johnny Cash. I wanted him to appreciate the little things, be happy, be polite, be funny, tough, cool, sweet, empathetic, educated, cultured, friendly.

His taste in music is SO diverse, he'll grab a song book & wants to sing Victory In Jesus. Then we get in the car & he wants to listen to Johnny Cash, Greenday, Adele. He cares for his sister, will be friends with anyone, loves having books read to him, playing games, wrestling, brushing my hair. He's creative. He wants to be a superhero. He's everything I hoped for & more.

It's hard to believe that ALL that happened 4 years ago. That out of both my birthing experiences that was the easiest. That Douglas has a little sister. It's unbelievable the kind of person he's become, & is becoming. I'm already SO proud of him.

Here's wishing Douglas a very happy 4th birthday.

thanksgiving morning

2011-11-26T07:20:00.001-06:00

Thursday [Thanksgiving Day] 1am.

I had made a giant pan of mac & cheese the night before. I had the oven set to heat up at 9:45. We had to leave the house at 11 to be at Mathew's mom's side of the family's Thanksgiving thing by 12. but I couldn't sleep. I laid there, checked my email, facebook. Showered, laid there, checked my email, facebook, twitter, angry birds, laid there. FINALLY fell asleep [I'd say around 3am].

At 5am Douglas came in and over to my side of the bed crying "I'm all wet!! my clothes are wet! Oh no! I gotta poop! I'm gonna poop! Oh no!" I take his pee clothes off and rush him to the toilet. Diarrhea. Nasty, super stinky, doesn't appear to have an end diarrhea. ugh. I went back to bed while pooped. He yelled for me to get him a book. I told him to just sit there & to call me when he was done. I surprisingly was still partially asleep. "I'm done!!" got him some clean underwear & shorts, and then I let him go back to sleep in our bed.

At 7am I almost fell off the bed so I switched ends, praying mathew wouldn't kick me in the face.

8:45am [ish] - Douglas- "mommy! it's wake up time! I'm hungry!" I make him stay in bed, we're sleeping in as long as we can!

9:45am - "Come on MOM!!" ugh. I got him some food and some for Isabella while I was at it. Then checked the oven, not heated to 350 yet. I went down stairs to get Isabella who I heard waking up. Douglas ran down the stairs with me. We opened the door & the smell that hit us was disgusting. "mom! I think Isabella pooped" It was dark [basement bedroom] so I asked D to turn the lights on "NO! I'm getting out of here!" Then She started the grunt/cry wanting me to hold her, but I turned on the light because I wanted to see what I was messing with. I was horrified.

This is how her bed looked. But her back was covered in it. head to toe. When Douglas was pooping at 5am I heard her let out a cry. nothing alarming I assumed she did it in her sleep. Now I think that's when her butt exploded.

Mathew started the bathtub, I cleaned her up without puking. Although I guess I did a little in my mouth. I had the gagging, the watery eyes, all that! I dressed her and Douglas then headed downstairs to clean up her shiz. literally. I threw her sheet's & pillows away. She's in love with puppies and stole D's pillows my grandma made him that have dogs on them, those weren't bad so I threw them, the blanket, her clothes & the doll in the washer.

10:45- luckily Mathew had remembered the mac & cheese & took care of it. I on the other hand only had 15 minutes to get ready. I wasn't even wearing pants, just a shirt. I threw on my "back up dress" and we made it there just in time!

Can't wait to tell her boyfriends about the [hopefully only] time her butt exploded.

a little sale

2011-11-26T03:04:00.001-06:00

um...

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

I know...

but,

you know!

anyway! - I'm having a sale! Check it!

sleeps

2011-11-23T07:00:00.000-06:00

Douglas was a couple months old in that one.

if he's tired that boy can sleep anywhere.

thought I'd share some of my favorite candid sleep moments with you. enjoy. be jealous. I am. even though he even includes others in his naps sometimes.

but mostly it's when he's on his own & we haven't heard from him in a while.

houndstooth duct tape

2011-11-22T07:00:00.000-06:00

I bought some houndstooth duct tape that I found at michael's to add a little extra personality to my packages when I mail out orders from my shop. mathew says it's duck. i say it's duct. who's right?! Duck Tape is the name brand, duct tape is what it is. right?! google it.

anyway, I love me some houndstooth. LOVE. even Isabella is made to feel the love.

i wish that was my outfit. so jealous of little girls who can wear anything & whose big bellies are cute. i wish my big belly was cute.

Saturday night, Saturday of all days. Isn't that usually how it goes, you wait & wait to get better from something, think it's getting better on Friday so you don't call your doc, then Saturday, bam! there's blood in your urine or you can't move or something crazy like that. Well mine wasn't as crazy. just this.

sad face. taped glasses. ugh. only me!

anyway, I ended up using houndstooth DUCT tape instead & now i look awesome. the place i want to go can't get me in til the 30th. you know because besides it just happening Saturday it's also Thanksgiving week.

go ahead. laugh.

I did however find my other pair, the black ones. I got a black & a brown pair last time i updated [long long ago]. they were broken like a week after i got them. clumsy much?! the black ones broke where the leg starts. I fixed them with houndstooth because it thought that would look way better than the brown ones in the picture above & I could hide it with my hair. I needed to hide it because I had made plans to go watch Breaking Dawn with some friends. They didn't even notice.

today i broke the other leg. so now both sides match with houndstooth duct tape.

happenings...

2011-11-19T07:00:00.000-06:00

you know... since i've been MIA. but I have a good excuse! a bad attitude. hence my last post. anyway, here's what's been happening.

Halloween happened. i even scored some clearance facepaint after Halloween [bottom right].

Isabella's getting ALL of her canine teeth. This chick get sick for every single freaking tooth. like diarrhea, snotty nose sick. it totally sucks.

but she's cute and she knows it.

D is in a superhero phase. [gonna be an awesome bday party!!] and a dinosaur phase.

he's also discovered photobooth on the iPad. cracks me up every time.

I've been catching up on orders. working on new products.

you can find all of them here.

I love TV shows, of course i watch them all online. The CMA's The Band Perry- that dress. THAT dress. ugh. beauty. I even started watching The X-Files from the beginning and of course I've been keeping up with TWILIGHT!! you know I love it!

Mathew had his gallbladder removed on Thursday so he's recovering, he's in pain, but everything went great! while I was in the waiting room though I took this picture. it has got to be one of my favorites. i love it. this couple came in and i had to take it. they were darling.

and last but not least, I've been invited to be part of this! eek!

see my logo at the bottom! what?! I know!!

well, see ya later! I actually have posts planned for the week! but you know how my plans go! -they don't.

2011-11-03T02:50:00.001-05:00

vintage love

2011-10-27T07:30:00.000-05:00

look what I found at True Treasures in Bentonville, AR.....

It looks like a beautiful rainy day.

It feels like wool. but I'm not 100% sure. It did have a sticker though.

CANDLEWICK YARNS

LOT: 47 CAT

DATE: 8.30.82

ORDER: 7528 D

COUNT: S79 5444

OPR?N?: 28885493

it's so vintagey. I love it.

oh the possibilities.

now what should I make with it?

speaking of, I added these to the shop

still working on descriptions, I suck at those.

Margaret & Betty

2011-10-20T06:00:00.000-05:00

When I was applying for this job a while back I had to write a letter, publish it and email it to multiple people at the company. The instructions were to write a letter about something that I had accomplished and email multiple recipients since that would be something that I'd be doing a lot of at this job. other than raising children. Though I'm not done raising mine, far from it, I couldn't think of anything that I have accomplished that could even compare to something like that. So i thought and thought and figured I'd better look at it as if I'd never had children but was still where I am today. Then I realized that I wouldn't be where I am today if I didn't have children, I mean who would I have made a superhero cape for to begin with, or and adorable bear hat?! I really enjoyed that writing exercise and thought I'd share it with you. It's about how I got started sewing & crocheting, I shared a little about it on Mandie's blog last week. Enjoy!

I am supposed to tell you about one of my greatest accomplishments. It happens that I can write to you about anything else but raising my children, I would like to tell you first though that my greatest accomplishments are my children. Even though they are still so young I am so very proud of them and
everything else just seems minute. The one accomplishment that I am choosing to share with you though is something I never thought I could or would do. I taught myself how to sew and crochet and now I have my very own “small business”.

When I was in high school I would go visit a couple of the elderly women from our church. One of the women was Mrs. Margaret, she got me started on cooking. We would make lunch and dessert and while it cooked or baked we would play card games. The other lady that I remember fondly was Mrs. Betty. Mrs. Betty had a lot of health issues so I would help her tidy up her house and then we would chat. Sometimes I would go to Mrs. Betty’s and there would be small fabric squares arranged for a quilt on her living room floor, she made the prettiest quilts. Her money was tight so all of her fabric was from old items of
clothing, yard sales, and the clearance bins at the fabric store. I admired her patience, her imagination, her creativity. One day her next door neighbor and friend had a sewing machine for sale, Mrs. Betty bought it for me. It was an old sewing machine, one that came on a sewing table. I still have it and still use the table, just with an updated sewing machine. Mrs. Betty didn’t teach me how to sew, but she sure planted the seed. Within a few weeks I had started practicing and made myself an a-line skirt. The skirt was crooked, but I was very proud of it and wore it anyway. Since then, learning from mistakes, from books, from others, from asking questions, and from the internet I’ve made things I never thought I would. This last week I gave one of my best friend’s custom bedding for her baby girl. She picked out and bought the fabric, I did the work. Never in my life did I think I would be able to make a crib bumper, a crib sheet, a crib skirt, a changing pad cover. Now I go to the store and think, “ooh! I could make that!”. I haven’t made a big intricate quilt yet, but have a small one for my son who hardly ever sleeps without it and made a rag doll for my daughter who will not sleep without it either. Another thing that Mrs. Betty really enjoyed doing was crocheting. This completely fascinated me and I actually asked her to teach me. She taught me the basics, I think that two lessons was all we had, at the end of which she gave me an instruction book on needlework that had belonged to her mother. I still have it. Now I’ve made hats, blankets & scarves.

I guess that the most mind blowing thing for me though is having my own little shop. It’s an online shop, but it’s doing well. Now, I know that I won’t become rich from it, at least not yet, a girl can dream though right? But it’s amazing to know that people I know and people I don’t even know from as far away
as Maryland, Pennsylvania, and Utah want to pay me to make something for them. People want to pay me to create, to do what I love, to do what Mrs. Betty Inspired me to do.

Martha Monday

2011-10-18T13:33:00.002-05:00

on Tuesday...

well you know... i should probably just stop apologizing... but my car died, my son had his last soccer game, my daughter has a cold and we think a bum is living in one of the old barns just north of our house & coming around the house when we leave or something... you know.. the usual.

Martha Monday is a thing I like to do feature Martha Stewart's awesome tips, ideas, recipes... whatever. But I also like sharing some of my friends and their Martha like features with you. Everyone has a little something that they are great at. We all can't be like Martha and know how to do everything... she's got tons of help anyway, and she's probably a jerk. But everyone's got their niche. I love creating things. I can see how things will turn out, coordinate colors, come up with something new, yet practical and easy. I'm all about comfort and fun. I've shared with you about my friend Martha Brown has awesome style and can make the coolest things! And about my friend Amanda who is an awesome gardener... maybe she'll do a post with some tips in the spring time? I haven't talked to her about it yet but she'll read this. LOL

Today I'd like to share Jenny with you! She shares her life with us on her blog, but a big part of her life are parties... she's great a throwing a party, birthday parties, tailgate parties,

book parties,

baby showers

... you name it! A while back she had a superhero party for her son. I was able to participate by providing the superhero capes for the party.

Jenny went all out. She completely transformed her house. What's even better is that she shares all her secrets & tips with us!

She totally rocked it. AND inspired me to use a superhero them for Douglas' party next month!! I'm about 100% sure it wont be as awesome as this but I'll definitely use a lot of her fantastic ideas!

Thanks Jenny!

just a few things...

2011-10-16T15:46:00.001-05:00

1. We're not moving anymore. Mathew had a few concerns about the job once he got there. I told him that he should probably speak up before we move everyone/everything there. If they tried to work & were concerned with him, then great! But if not, it's better to find out sooner rather than later. So basically he walked out.

2. I got a couple of emails/texts/concerned looks about my last post. Asking if I was ok & why I was so angry. If you got my smart aleckey ways, thank you! you rock. If you know me at all you should have gotten it, but if you didn't, you can go ahead and remove me from your friends list cause obvs you don't know me very well. There I go again... Or do I? It was humor, just humor. please... relax.

3. Business is good. Things are getting more steady. I actually have to start planning 1 day a wk to ship, instead of just whenever I get an order. Thanks for that!

4. I finally decided on a theme and plan of execution for D's 4th bday party. It's gonna be the bomb yo!

5. Have you entered to win one of the 4 things on this giveaway?! You have til Wednesday to do so. AMANDA! You should totally go for it! You win everything!

Well I hope you're having a great weekend. I have an awesome post planned for tomorrow. "Martha Monday".

Emmaisms - Volume 1

2011-10-15T01:03:00.001-05:00

I'm sure you all have been craving to partake of my wise {a**} words. So to ease your yearning I've compiled a few of my thoughts.

I found this on pinterest the other day. fits me to a t.

you're welcome.

now for my own observations.

- Dear "Christian" ladies. please. PLEASE. Do not wear "long" skirts in the name of modesty and have a slit in the back/side that goes all the way up to your A. PLEASE.

- Dear general public. If you're concerned for someone's well being, someone's health, concerned that their actions are going to hurt/hinder/burden them, put them in a bad place/position, or make them face bad consequences... and that someone is a family member or someone you consider a "friend". TELL THEM. Talk to them. communicate, you could help them see something they weren't something they hadn't thought about.

- Dear general public. On that note... tell THEM, not their parents {if they're adults obvs}, not their friend... tell THEM. I really, really, HATE this... it's also called gossip, and it's kind of back stabby. is that a word. stabby. prob not. Just stop doing it. ok?!

- Dear handicapped. Blue tags, handicap sign, does not mean you don't know how to drive. It's not a pass to be rude. COME ON!!

- Dear parents, Please raise your children to become responsible, nice, CONSIDERATE adults. The kind of kid you have now is the kind of adult we all have to deal with later! Duh! Think about it! Sheesh!!

- Dear shoppers, do all 8 people in your family really have to go grocery shopping with you??! really?

- Dear general public, if you can't afford it, STOP having kids.

- Dear Teenagers, look in the mirror before you go out. please.

- Dear everyone, stop asking what i'll wear for Halloween, I'll be dressed as a tired mom.

OK... I think that's all. Class dismissed.

E Tells Tales - Giveway

2011-10-14T09:59:00.000-05:00

Elizabeth from E Tells Tales is one of my favorite bloggers. She's just a great writer, and always talks about real life. She does a few crafty things, but mostly her stories are like the ones we talk with our friends for hours about.

Today Elizabeth is doing a BIG giveaway! 4 items to be exact. One of the items is this!

Sorry, her little Everett is not included.

but there are other items of course....

so head on over there and register to win! you get at 3 to 4 entries PER item!! isn't that awesome?! you can enter to win one or all of them! Good luck! And just so you know "My Martha" won Elizabeth's last giveaway!

ENTER HERE!

Have a great weekend!!

"if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans"

2011-10-10T17:53:00.001-05:00

So, I've been wanting to write this for a while. Before it was even certain. Before we knew for sure. But I've learned from being married to Mathew, from being so buoyant, and from being a mother that plans change and so I didn't want to get ahead of myself.

As always, I like to start at the beginning. Right after I found out I was pregnant with Douglas, Mathew and I got jobs working for a sanitation company in North Carolina. Well, HE got a job, I got a job after we were already there doing all the paperwork he didn't want to do. Douglas was born there. I loved it there. We loved it there and we miss it. Only problem was that it was 18 hours away, and as always, Mathew's heart belongs to farming. So we moved back. We've lived in the same house Mathew grew up in since Douglas was 3 months old, he'll be 4 years old next month, so roughly 4 years.

I told you about Mathew's back. About him needing to take a break from the 9th AND 10th deadliest job so that he could heal himself, just to be able to do it for a living in the long run. I told you about us semi-switching roles, where I would work and he would stay at home. Well that last part didn't last for more than a couple of weeks. I didn't get the job, Mathew & I were constantly arguing with each other, I think too much time with any one person is no bueno. He also didn't feel it would be fair to the children for me to work & he be at home because quote, he could never do a good enough job, I'm awesome. and this house is too big, you can't get anything done. unless we didn't have children {quoting him, not me of course lol} So he scoured the papers for a job. A well paying job, manager, mostly dealing with paperwork & people job. He has manager experience so that should be easy. or so we thought. Now a days no one wants to hire you if you don't have a degree. Who cares what the degree is in as long as you have one. STAY IN SCHOOL KIDS!! So there we were. stuck. in limbo. I made a bit of money from my sales online and at an event. but of course not enough to live the way we do. Now don't take me wrong, we live within our means, but have a car payment & we love our internet & netflix.

The company we worked for in North Carolina fell in love with Mathew. Offered him a nice big salary not to leave them in 2008. But we left. He wants to farm. I'm sure you can tell that by now. The company though has been wanting to get him back ever since. He's awesome at managing pretty much anything. So they talked and told him that they have an immediate opening in North Carolina. As much as we loved it there, no thank you. They had an opening coming up in Carthage, TX or Russellville, AR. Russellville would be perfect. only 3 hours away from here, and about 3 from my mom! But that job was given to someone already in the company.

Again, stuck. Not sure what would happen, they said they'd call but we weren't trying to pack up our house or anything.

This past Friday I took a nap. Mathew woke me up about an hour {ok maybe 2} later.
"hey babe. what time does Isabella need to be woken from her nap so that she'll sleep tonight?"
"oh crap! what time is it?!"
"like 5:30"
"I'm sorry! guess I was more tired than I thought."
"Bill called me. I didn't want to wake you though."
"What did he say?"
"I have a job. I'm supposed to be there on Monday. It's in Hutchinson, Kansas."
"uh... ok!"

Hutchinson is about 4 hours northwest of here. Right smack dab in the middle of Kansas. Me.. living in middle of Kansas. Who would have thunk it?! Not me, that's for sure! But I'll tell you a little more about the town another time. Right now I just wanted to share the news. Mathew will be sanitation manager at a small plant. Bill told him it should be a cake walk. He'll only have 10 people under him. But the salary is great. And they'll help move us. Douglas and I have been talking about his birthday party for months now, so the kids and I can't go before then, I would feel awful. And since we're staying that long we might as well stay til after Thanksgiving. And since we're staying that long we probably should stay til after Christmas right?!

View Larger Map

But Mathew left today. I cried. I told him thanks for doing this for his family and that I'll miss him. we ALL will miss him.

I'm thinking that after he's there for a couple of weeks, and even now we can start looking for a place. It's only 4 hours so we can start moving non essential stuff whenever. I think by the 2nd week in December we should be all moved in. Then the kids & I can come back and stay for a couple of weeks for Christmas. That's just a thought though. We're not really sure how everything will happen, but I"m confident that it'll be good. It'll be nice. And it'll only be temporary. The contract is only for a year, and after that... we'll be back. Maybe. but like I said, I've learned from being married to Mathew, from being so buoyant, and from being a mother that plans change and so I don't want to get ahead of myself, even if Mathew's already planning our return.

-Em

let's do the twist!

2011-10-07T06:16:00.000-05:00

Thursday we went on a "field trip" to Petland with The Joplin Mom's Meetup Group. D's got a thing for lizards

& snakes at the moment.

so it was kind of perfect.

We also bought The Lion King. Can you say awesome sauce?! cause it is. the voices! James Earl Jones!! The music! The nostalgia! D saying, "I can't marry her! she's my friend!" over & over. Isabella laying on her belly touching her feet together in the air like the little teenager that she thinks she is.

i want to watch this over. and over. and over.

today, the kids will too. we may even do a little twist. not that we dance around the house all day or anything.

can you clean without music? I can't. I even have a playlist on my iPod dedicated to it. It's called "messy". This Friday I think we'll dance, and clean, and just have a good, fun & productive day.

Enjoy your weekend!
and don't forget to enter to win store credit to my shop via moxiemandie.com!

Surprise!

2011-10-05T09:01:00.002-05:00

Hey yo! I know that I haven't been "present" much, but I'm almost caught up. maybe.

I did write a post though! I'm over on moxie mandie today! I'm sharing a little bit about how & why I started my shop, there's also a giveaway included! yay!

This week {now til 10/12} use code MOXIEMANDIE to get 20% off your purchase of $20 or more in the store!

Have fun! & maybe shop a little over at Madie's shop and read through some of her posts on her blog. She's pretty rocking!

This clutch is fabulously beautiful

I'm loving her Chevron pillow covers, can't wait to have one on my couch!

Have a great day friends!

let me explain...

2011-09-26T23:56:00.000-05:00

writer's block.

too much going on maybe?

who knows.

but it's been over 20 days since my last post... I've had good intentions but just no motivation.

I added Story Book Capes to my shop! but again haven't even added a description. Which is probably why there's a lack of orders. They are very adorable though! I have some ready to make that are classic houndstooth with turquoise on the inside. Lovely.

I did make it to Target the day after the Missoni line launched. Some of the stuff is really cute. I love the flats, Is & I would look so cute with a matching pair! But my absolute favorite thing was this bike.

it's black and white and perfect. perfect. Maybe Santa Mathew will bring it to me for Christmas. Maybe. I should write him a letter.

Douglas has started playing soccer. His practices are cute.

{jumping jacks}

But his games are even cuter. There's always that one kid that doesn't want to play, or cries when someone takes his ball. And they all go the wrong way. 3-5 yr old soccer games are best!

I've been super into dark nail polish colors with glitter. love.

Isabella's hair can now go up in a pony tail. Mathew says she looks like a sumo wrestler.

I put this little outfit together for her for a trip to the "barnyard" she loved the llamas & goats.

rainbow bright meets camo/brother's hand-me-downs.

I made ALL of these!

and now I have an order for 15 superhero capes, more bunting, hats....

basically I need more of this

Last Saturday we went to the pumpkin patch! It was lot's of fun!

Douglas' coach's husband had a big soccer game that afternoon, but we went home for Is to take a nap and I ended up falling asleep too and we pretty much missed it. Lame.

Amanda & I have been doing a workout bootcamp at the Y. It's Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. We've done it for 1 week. But every time is different. right now I can't move my legs. I can't sit Indian style. I can't get my leg up on the bed. yes it's funny. but not really. The bootcamp is different every time. Isn't that not good, doesn't that make you get super sore every single time?? I'm not sure if I like it yet.

You know how I told you this job I was training for was "in the bag"?? Well, it was. Then this girl came along who had more experience. She got the dream shift. the 6:30 to 3:30 shift. I was asked if I was interested in the 10am to 7pm shift. You know! In case I wanted to not see my children during the week ... so right now we're in limbo. But I'll keep you posted! :)

there. 20+ days worth of stuff. kinda.

things you'd hear around our house

2011-09-13T15:59:00.000-05:00

CAST OF CHARACTERS:

Mathew- husband, daddy

Emma- me!, mommy

Billy- my brother, roommate?? {18}

Douglas- son, aka D {3}

Isabella- daughter, aka Is, diva {17 months}

Isabella to Mathew- "hi daddy!"

Billy to Mathew-"my sister has like an evil scientist laugh!"
me to Billy - "what?! why?!"
Billy to Me- "idk but it's funny though"

{Mathew & I laying in bed "recapping" the day}
Emma- "Amanda lives in the house that she grew up in"
Mathew- "That's cool! kinda like this!"
Emma- "Yeah! This is where your mom & dad did it"
both- "Eww!"

"She'll be OK! I gave her some ibuprofen & some cookies" - Emma about Isabella

Isabella to me- "hi daddy!"

me- "what do you want to be when you grow up? have you ever thought about it"
D- "yeah!"
me- "what?!"
D- "chicken butt!"

"maybe that's why most women don't want to have sex so much. The children that result from it." - Emma

"I have to poop because there's poop in my butt" - Douglas

{We have a really long gravel driveway}
Billy- "if Mailbox from Blue's Clues lived here he'd have to stretch a long way!!"
Emma- "yeah! he'd be all MAAIIILLLL TIIIMMMEE!!!"

Douglas to Mathew - "let me see your eyes! - you have mommy's eyes daddy!"

Isabella to Billy- "hi daddy!"

Billy- "I have a genius idea for a movie!"
Emma- "really?! what?!!"
Billy- "ok! you ready?! - someone has a. money tree! and they have to protect it"
Emma- "bahahaha"
Billy- "It's not funny! I'm serious!"

{Douglas knocking on bathroom door}
"mom!! I wan't you to come downstairs!"
me- "I'm in the bathroom, can I have a minute?!"
D- "but I hear Angry Birds!"

D- "one time I woke up and a green snake bit me"

Billy- "really?! where?"
D- "on my butt."

"grandma, you're brown like us too but you have lines" - Douglas

{in a whisper} "you wanna fight?!" -Douglas

Mathew- "mine piece of cake is bigger"
Douglas- "well mine's AWESOME bigger!"

giveaway winner!

2011-09-12T08:27:00.001-05:00

The giveaway winner is!!

True Random Number GeneratorMin: Max: Result:8Powered by RANDOM.ORG

comment #8....

I had to count down the comments twice to make sure I was actually counting to 8 right because I couldn't believe it!! but AMANDA is the winner!

YAY!! :)

I'm not brown, I'm white!!

2011-09-10T06:30:00.000-05:00

After bumping into each other, sweating our balls off, and almost collapsing during Zumba at the Y Amanda and I decided to go to El Charro {a local Mexican restaurant. obvs!}. We went to pick up D at the Y day care, {Is was at home with her daddy} and headed out to the parking lot.

A- "you sure D will be ok at the restaurant? I don't take Mia to restaurants."{or something like that}

Me- "yeah! He does good! Specially without Is around. No problem!" {shouldn't have said that!}

We get there and D decides he wants to sit on the outside of the booth. So he does. He doesn't understand that he needs to get out so I can get on the inside. He doesn't move. He tells me no and that he wants to sit on the outside! I try not to make a scene but then just pick him up make him stand up so that I can get in. He grabs the table and starts fake crying. As in NO tears! Looking back now I shoulda just dropped the whole thing and sat on Amanda's side. Why didn't I Amanda??

So we look through the menu and I ask D what he'd like. I suggest a chicken quesadilla. He asks for a cheeseburger.

Me- "Douglas, you're brown. Don't be like that, just get a quesadilla at least."
D- "No! I'm not brown! I'm white!!"

guys are wimps

2011-09-08T17:05:00.000-05:00

Wednesday afternoon.

Douglas was taking a nap because he was being kind of a jerk and had soccer practice at 5pm so he needed to cheer up. A nap almost always makes one feel better no?

Billy {my brother} and I were watching Late Night with Jimmy Fallon {this fantastic episode} on my lap top. If you're new, you should know that I love Jimmy Fallon. Like, a lot. A. Lot.

Mathew was at the dentist.

Isabella was playing with her toys on the floor. We were sitting on the couch with the lap top on the coffee table. She was just on the other side of the coffee table. She was very quiet.

I've been trying to infant potty train this girl, but she won't have it. Almost every time she poops it's when she's in her crib. It's like she waits until I bathe her, put her in her pj's and then craps all over place. Like gotta change her sheets craps. I am convince that she does it on purpose. I wouldn't put it past her. If you've met her you'd know she's kind of a diva, and has an attitude problem.

Anyway, Billy and I laughing, enjoying Jimmy. Isabella playing on the floor. Like a perfect little angel. Then I look at my phone to check the time {who wears watches anymore!}, nap time! I pick her up, grab a diaper, 2 wipes, 2!!! and baby powder. I lay her on the couch next to Billy and pull her leggings off. Then, I undo her diaper and start pulling it of.. just like I always do before naps, when they're just a bit wet. BUT it wasn't just wet. IT WAS PACKED FULL OF CRAP. Isabella reaches for her feet, taking some poop in her fingers along with her. AND since I had already started to slide her diaper off, it also got on my sofa {which has just been PRO cleaned 2 days earlier}.... All the while Billy runs away... "there's poop in her vagina!"... and I'm left holding 2 wipes and a squirming poopy baby.

I made him come back and bring me the package of wipes and cleaned up the babe, the couch, and myself. I even had to change my pants because it got on my leg....

good times....

birthday giveaway!!

2011-09-06T15:06:00.001-05:00

Wanna know something funny about my birthday? it's today. But not legally. As in that's not what's on my birth certificate or driver's license or anything.

In El Salvador I guess that there is a fee if you don't get all of your paperwork to the courthouse, or wherever, the same day {within 24 hours?} as the birth. Or so I've been told. My father did not want to pay that extra fee even though it was 6 days after I was born when he finally got around to it. My birth certificate says that I was born on September 12, but my mom says I was born on September 6. We've always celebrated it one the 6th. It's not really a big deal, it's just kinda weird. Different.

Now you know.

So! Now for the giveaway.

Remember this pretty pastel bunting I made for Katlyn's party?!

Ugh! I know! Cute!

Well I also made this pretty patterned one for my friend Liz's baby shower & she hung it up in her daughter's room.

She's expected to arrive to meet us sometime next month. Can NOT wait to meet her! Her name is Emeline, even though I'm still voting for EMMAline. Ha!

A while back a friend of mine hooked me up with some fabric sample books, which is what I made Katlyn's & Emeline's bunting out of. The books are *perfect* for this! some are solid and some have fantabulous patterns!

This one is darling and is going to go in my "studio"

it's just the right touch of whimsy & girly. it's me. pink houndstooth & everything!

What I love about bunting so much is that you can put it anywhere. It can look pretty in your kitchen, an outdoor OR indoor party, kid's room, play room... your office if you wish! AND you can put it away and save it forever!

This rainbow one is up for grabs! just leave 1 comment below to enter. You may also tweet, facebook, link to this giveaway and get an additional entry for each one of those! JUST COME BACK HERE & LEAVE A SEPARATE COMMENT FOR EACH ONE YOU DO! giveaway closes on midnight on Sunday September 11th with the winner announced Monday September 12th!

one more thing!! I'll be making awesome one of a kind bunting and adding it the shop! some of the patterns are so fun, but I will also be taking orders for custom bunting! Some will include messages on them, "Congrats!" "happy birthday" etc... but I think the coordinating, yet different patterned fabric sample book ones are my favorite. so pretty!!

Good Luck!!

2011-09-05T04:30:00.000-05:00

This is my 150th post!

What?! I know! There have been so many other things I've wanted to share and write about but I'd rather live life than just write about it... sometimes. lol

Know what else? Tuesday is my 25th birthday!

25!!

That's a big one! Sooo.... I'm celebrating with what I love most! Sharing my creations with you! Which means that I'll be doing a lot in the shop this week.

Sunday I added ear hats to the shop!

and today I've added the last 3 I have of these!

and at a FABULOUS price!

also, as an end of summer sale, sun bonnets in 2 different patterns are on sale! I love that they cover the ears so they're still perfect for a windy fall day!

AND!! I'm offering *FREE* shipping all week!! {til midnight on Sunday Sept. 11th} just use code 'ENDOFSUMMERSALE' when checking out & you'll receive FREE shipping on any and all items!

Free shipping has been going on since Sunday though! If you like Created on Facebook you would have known that right away... but if you like Created now you'll be set for the future right?!

I will also be adding items to the shop almost every day this week so be sure to check back!! In addition, there will also be a giveaway at the end of the week!

Yesterday I shared part 1 of mine & Mathew's love story! Martha posted hers too!! It's so cute! check it out here.

have a great holiday!!

{via Late Night with Jimmy Fallon}

our love story [part 1]

2011-09-04T04:00:00.000-05:00

After reading Bridget's love story, then Elizabeth's love story Martha & I thought it would be fun to write ours & our husbands' & link up to each other. That was a couple months ago, but i finally started. It'll be in installments & it'll be fun. But fair warning, it's sappy, it happened fast {married within a year}, & i like details so it might be kind of long.

here we go

[people's names have been changed to protect their identity]

Sunday July 11, 2004 at church my best friend {at the time, we'll call her "Brook"} told me that she met a guy that would be *just perfect* for me. One to get me over some guy I had been hung up on. You know, the kind of guy that leads you on when they are around but never actually commits. The guy that will call your phone until he gets you. The guy that expects you to wait on him forever. The heartbreaker. Anyway, I was hung up on this heartbreaker but Brook was tired of seeing me be all melancholy & shiz. I tend to over think things, over analyze, let them affect everything that I do. All conversations led back to the heartbreaker. Brook invited my brother & I to lunch with her family, boyfriend [let's go with "Rob" on this one] & a few other people after the morning church service. She was the pastor's daughter. We went to Maria's in Roger's Arkansas {how in the world do i remember that?!}.

Now don't get lost here: The day before, Brook had gone to Carthage, Missouri with Rob to celebrate his sister's birthday {my now sister-in-law, we'll call her "Tammi"}. At that small party were Tammi's in-laws [my sister-in-law's in-laws, my now in-laws] & her husband's brother-in-law, Mathew. Got it?! Well Brook told me that she had talked to Mathew quite a bit & that he seemed so sweet & nice, the kind of guy that "would treat you like a princess". She said that her & Rob had told him about me because she'd asked if he had a girlfriend & he had said no. Then she asked, "well what kind of girl do you like?!" to which {she said} he replied "a girl like you". GAG!!! This should have been a hint of how shallow she'd become. Anyway, all she wanted was for me to say that it was ok for Rob to give him my number. I told her I'd have to think about it. She wasn't crazy about me being so standoffish about the idea.

We all went our separate ways after lunch. I thought about it.... I mean I needed to get over this guy, & we'd only be talking. I was leaving for college in about a month so... what the heck?! that night at church I told Brook to go ahead & give him my number. She smiled her big happy smile & acted so excited for me.

I expected him to call that same night.
He didn't & I forgot all about it.
Then Monday came and went.
Tuesday July 13th, 2004 at around 9pm my phone rang with an unknown number.

"hello?"
"hi, is this Emma?"
"yeah! who's this?!" {i'm rude sometimes. no surprise there huh?}
"Mathew, Brook gave me your number"

THREE hours later my cheeks hurt. I smiled almost the whole time. We just asked each other easy questions. He told me about how he grew up on a farm, I told him about how I didn't know anything about that. I'd moved from California 4 years earlier, still missed it & still went back once a year. We talked about our likes and dislikes. We talked about our beliefs {that's a biggie!}. But most importantly, in the end he told me he'd like to come down and visit me. Take me out on a date. I couldn't say no right? Well, I didn't want to say no. I found my mom & told/asked her about it. She was very surprised, but acted like if I wanted to go for it then she was happy for me. Mostly I think it was because I wasn't all sad looking at that moment.

Mathew & I talked on the phone every night the rest of the week. I'm sure that a couple times I fell asleep on the phone & he probably did too. He worked a ton back then. He made me laugh, made me happy every evening. One night after he'd made me laugh I said, "you're so funny! I love you!" then I gasped. I didn't mean that... right? I cared about him already, we'd probably spoken to and knew more about each other than me & some of my closest friends did.... but now it was out there & I almost hyperventilated. Mathew though, didn't miss a beat. He kept the conversation going because he knew I was embarrassed & unsure of what I'd said. It just slipped out!

On Saturday, my mom had to work & I don't remember where my brother was, I think he spent the night with a friend. I woke up early, showered, & fixed my hair. I also took forever trying to decide what to wear. I wanted to look nice, but not too dressy & not like I had tried very hard. I'd talked to this guy for hours & hours the last 4 days but had never met him in person, so I didn't want to over do it but yet wanted to be fabulous. I didn't know exactly what we were doing anyway! It was a long process but in the end I wore a denim skirt that came to my knees, a pink polo & some flip flops. I sat in a chair by the front door & waited.

airline safety

2011-09-02T23:14:00.001-05:00

my last post was.....
well.
i don't think it was mean.
it was..... real.
everyone goes through spells like that with people they love so i'm not sorry that i posted it.
mathew read it.
we talked.
and i was right.
...i usually am... [sarcasm..... but not really]
he's unhappy. he's discontent. not satisfied. not present.
he admitted that he's been distant. and a-holey.
he's not happy with his lot in life.
if it were up to him he'd be farming right along side his dad... building up the farm even more.... [or however you would say that, i don't do farm talk]
and as much a you'll hear me say how i can't believe i live out here, how i detest bugs, heat, grass, and pretty much anything outdoorsy. i want him to be doing what he wants to be doing.
and I will do all i can to help.
I've picked up dead turkeys, fallen in turkey poop, gotten turkey guts & poop on my face, driven weird machinery, giant trucks, and even faced my fear of up close contact with cows for this guy.
because it's what he loves.
because it's his life.
but in order for him to be able to do that in the long run, he needs to back away from it right now. just for a bit.
he needs to heal.
but he doesn't want to need to heal.
he hates that this is happening in the first place.
so what does he do?
he isolates himself.
he hides behind mean words and snappy comments.
mostly from me.
we all know by now that i don't put up with unnecessary attitude and hatefulness well... at all. from anyone.
but i'm the last person that he wants seeing him that way. seeing him in his "weak state". though i don't think of him that way at all. i don't see him that way... in his mind he wants to keep me from thinking of him needing help, not being able to pick up our children, or even bend over sometimes.
and i understand.
i also know that as much as you know what's good for you, what's right from wrong, sometimes your feelings, thoughts, emotions, and fears trump what you should feel and take over.
as much as we talk about him enjoying his time off, enjoying spending time with the kids, helping a little around the house, and just being home he wants to be somewhere else. let me rephrase that. he wants to be ABLE to be somewhere else. and he is... able... but then what... we'll have to call an ambulance one day to come pick him up and take him straight to have back surgery?! no!
back surgery is the last resort. and the cause of what's wrong can't even be fixed by surgery. {details here}
i had postpartum depression after having isabella. so i do understand.
and i also know, and he knows in his head, in his heart that for now... he's just gotta suck it up and live life.
the way it is.
he's gotta take care of himself, be happy with himself, thank God for the life, the people he has. get close to Him. just be happy "within". maybe even taking up a hobby [besides freakin xbox please?! did i tell you that he got invited to join a pro team as an alternate?! that there's a gaming league... what?!! I know! lame-o... but they'd probably say that about walls of yarn and fabric that make my heart flutter] eat right, exercise, stick with the physical therapy.... get good sleep.
LOVE himself.
no one, i don't care who they are, can respect, love or take care of anyone else the proper way [selflessly] if they don't respect, love, or take care of themselves.
it's one of those "airline safety" situations. where you put on your own oxygen masks first before helping those around you. not saying don't help those around you, but rather don't let yourself become faint from lack of oxygen, that you can't be much good to anyone at all.
it'll take time before he's happy again.
but he will be.... even just FINALLY talking about it he seems like he has a load off.
he's a tough nut to crack.
but i think together, we'll be ok.
we'll be great.

changes {part dos}

2011-08-31T23:18:00.000-05:00

screw Created to Be A Help Meet! i don't mean it. ok, right this second, and for the last thousand seconds i have, but in my heart i know i don't mean it. so just let me rant ok?! if not to be honest, be myself, tell you what's up, how i feel, even for just a little while, then what is this blog for?!! so give me a minute {or 10} while i go to the verge of cussing, being selfish, and whatever else you think i'm being.

I titled this post "change {part dos}" because my last post {here} was about how things were going to change and how i thought me working and mathew staying at home might be a beautiful thing! well it was. FOR 1 F-ING DAY. he got me coffee, woke up with Isabella at night bc she had pooped {middle of the night pooper remember?} he was doing dishes when i left for work, etc.... since then...um... let's just say it this way. It looks like the only change that will be happening is that I'll be working now AND doing MOSTLY EVERYTHING at home. nope that's too nice... and doing EVERYTHING else too. EVERYTHING.

also, the conclusion has been made {i won't incriminate the person who i came to the conclusion with but it was funny... we laugh about everything.... ok maybe i gave it away there}. Mathew's back problem derives from the pressure his head is putting on it. you know because it's so far up his butt. if he would pull it out I'm sure he'd get some relief. we all would.

and if i hear one more person telling me "oh, poor guy, i bet that's hard on him" well you know what?! screw you too!! or at least punch you where i can reach you!!

what about me. what about me leaving my children. what about me working AND coming home to Isabella STILL sleeping even though she should've been woken up an 45 minutes before then?? AND to Douglas sleeping on the couch, the kid who can't take naps because then midnight becomes his bed time, because Mathew & Billy were playing video games and he got bored.... what would make him think that as soon as i get home it's over. I don't do that when he gets home. When he was working once he came home he didn't have to lift a finger. what about that?!! what about me having been on my period for the last 2 months?!! yeah, i went there. I've been having problems with that since here. i thought i was dying at one point. now it's annoying but i have to wait a month until i get my prolactin levels checked again. then if they are still high i'll have to get an mri to make sure there's nothing major. ME the one WITHOUT the health insurance.

what about Douglas. who today asked "why do you cry everyday" i don't but i guess to him it seems like i do that often. broke my heart. he told me not to get daddy angry and to tell him it was just an accident. then he told me to listen to "So What?!" by P!nk to make me feel better. and to tell daddy that too. so he'll feel better. what about douglas. although honestly that song would probably just make me want to throw the xbox out the window then run it over & over with his truck. then drive that truck into a wall. maybe i'd be hospitalized and get waited on at the hospital for a couple days....

what about Isabella who's a mommy's girl and is cranky all day because i'm nowhere to be found.

what about the freakin cats in my garage that tear up the trash, but mathew keeps feeding?!!

what about the internet i'm not "allowed" to use while gaming is going on. which is ALL the time! c'mon guys it's my life line!! gaming time which is right now. yup they're both on the f-ing xbox and talking to eachother, not able to hear anything besides the game and the players with those freaking headsets on. and no i don't care. I dare one of them to come in here and tell me i'm slowing their connection down. i welcome it. i sooo should have married a 65 yr old guy like Elizabeth did, he refers FB as "The Facebook". I need one of those guys. he has a cleaning lady come once a week. i need one of those!! pronto!!

what about me still trying to do zumba {which is f-ing hard} and yoga so that i can lose some weight. for HIM! because i said something about my belly the other day & HE said, "don't do that, that shouldn't even be there" HE SAID THAT!!! and it wasn't an accident!! WTF???!!!!

I love my husband very much... and I do not mean to be talking him down in anyway, he's a great dad, wants to be a good husband. He just needs to chill out and use the common sense God gave him. What is going on?! and no one say "he's feeling emasculated because you're the one working now." we talked about that... and honestly i don't give a shiz. not a bit. he needs to get over himself. and i know his mom and family members read this. I KNOW. and so?? this is me. if he would like to be babied he can move back in with his mom, I'm not babier. {example: D sitting in sandbox crying. me:"don't just sit there crying like a wimp! come get me and let me know what's going on!" yeah, i'm that mom}

something's gotta give!!

or maybe i just needed to let it out. i'm glad i FINALLY have friends i can talk with, and this blog, where i can just type away my issues... well... kind of.

changes

2011-08-28T14:43:00.000-05:00

I've spent 2 days,
well day and a half,
well thursday from 8 to noon & friday from 8 to 5.... working.
well training.
at an office downtown.

WHAT?! i know!!

pardon the dead bugs on my windshield

you know about mathew's back & his ER trips. well, he went to the orthopedic doctor on August 17th & it went well. we both like the doctor very much, he's not much older than us & looks like he could totally whoop some butt. maybe a veteran, but too young to have gone through the military AND medical school, or maybe he just looks that way. anyway, we like him. this past wednesday we went back for him to get his first shot. in his spine.

WHAT?!! i know!!

dumb, annoying, trying to be helpful, rude people keep telling him, but mostly me. I guess if you tell someone to tell someone else something it's not as rude?! ugh. tell them yourself if you don't think it's stupid. anyway.. those people keep bugging me telling me that Mathew should go on a diet, lose some weight, that'll FIX his back. if you've met mathew he's a big guy. not fat big, scary, kick your a** or maybe just play football big. so losing weight?! maybe 20lbs.. no mas. but to those people - you know what?! poop on you. Doc found out EXACTLY what the problem is. his vertebrae is slipping and pinching/slipping the disc below it, the disc it's supposed to be resting on. THAT'S the cause of the pain. thank you dr. hearndon for FINALLY telling us the cause, not just how to patch it up. physical therapy to strengthen his back & celestone shots to help with the pain so he can be able to do the physical therapy. genius! we joined the ymca in town, they have a therapy pool, and lap lanes. mathew's going to start swimming laps at least a few times a week to strengthen his core. i told him yoga would help, but we've tried it & mathew thinks it's stupid lol of course i can hold high plank position {without shaking!} longer than him, so i think he's just jealous. ha! he's also going to stop working for a while.

WHAT?!! i know!!

he's not excited about the situation, but we both know that this is for the best. his body needs a break, needs time to heal. so we've decided that he's going to stay home with the kids, & i'll be working.

WHAT?!! i know!!

i'll be in the top floor suckas!!

i found a receptionist job that pays well working for school messenger thanks to a friend. i don't officially have the job yet but you know it's in the bag. i hope. i go in for more training this week, not sure of my schedule yet or anything. all i do know right now is that it'll be good. mathew will get to spend time with the children, see what i do from day to day {this could be beautiful, maybe no more "what did you do today? why can't you just _________ while the kids play?" maybe now he'll understand}, he'll get to heal. heal so that he can do what he really wants to do. what he dreams of doing for the rest of his life. farming. meanwhile i get to miss the kids, drive into the city, dress up or down, do my make up, take a lunch break with NO kids, wake up early, put up with traffic, actually have a weekend...

i know, i know

2011-08-20T21:27:00.001-05:00

i know that i told you {here} that i would try to keep up with this blog better. and try i have. but not really. there has been another trip to the ER {a crazy story which i will share later, unless i don't}, puking kids, well kid... puking kid, doctors appointment, orders, sewing, secret birthday present plotting and creating with one of my bff's husbands for said bff, helping with a baby shower for same aforementioned bff, making an awesome 6 layer cake for that bff i mentioned earlier {she's a diva}. if it wasn't for some "alone" time i took for myself last SUNDAY {a week ago?! what the...??} to write & schedule this post about my brother there would have been no posts whatsoever this week.

so yeah, I'll see you next week.

the week i hope to get all things back to normal {what's that?!}. get back on schedule to something similar to this dream on here.
you know.... that's if the doctor's appointments, mathew's shots and physical therapy, the Lamar fair, my crazy crafts and everything else doesn't get in the way.

yeah, then i'll be set!

brothers are a girl's best friend {part dos}

2011-08-16T06:00:00.004-05:00

today i'm spending most of the day with my brother. he works at target now. so i'm going shopping with a discount!!!

this post with douglas and Isabella playing together was supposed to be followed by this one. but you know. life happens and drafts stay as drafts for days, weeks.... sometimes months.

my brother is one of my closest friends. and i don't have a lot of close friends {as i mentioned here}

yes, D is in red underwear in this picture. this is Billy & i on the swing set with the kids.

don't judge. it's fun. tight, full of fat feelings, but fun.

we're 6 years apart. he's 18 & i'm 24 {25 NEXT month! just fyi *wink*}. he just graduated from high school this past May {see awesome pics here my fave is the one of mathew grabbing billy's butt right when i take the picture. he.lare.ee.us}

we have our moments. i'm sure we've come to blows a couple of times. but we love each other.

about a month after he graduated he came to live with us. he doesn't even have his own room, he's in the {what is now} family room/play room/kid's library/movie room & billy's room. {he didn't like the basement like i had it set up when i posted this}

since he's been here we've had a great time!

the kids absolutely adore him

he makes them laugh. a lot.

we were on our way to grandma & grandpa's for the 4th of July in this one and he was in the back seat with them.

here he's lighting bottle rockets for Douglas {who's wearing Isabella's sunglasses}

and it's nice to just have him here. if mathew is working late & the kids are asleep i can go get groceries. i can go get some coffee... i can go for a freaking drive if i need to. he's my savior sometimes. unless it comes to changing diapers. killing spiders or picking up baby snakes. that's a no. he's a wimp. or actually he's just like me & has no concept of living out here. he says quote, "i'm not jeff corwin!"

Isabella is one of his biggest fans.

but sometimes.... sometimes i just want him to leave. not just him though. the kids, mathew, AND him.. the dog too. everyone just leave me alone. i'm coming to the realization that maybe i'm an introvert. and neurotic. anyway. billy really helps me with that. he's a hoot. we have lots of laughs together.

he's going to kill me over this one. i got it when he came up for a breath. right after he told me not to & went under.

a few weeks ago we went to walmart for a few things late at night. we walked around for a little bit. he grabbed a pool noodle and started using it as a jump rope. i thought it was cute so i decided to take a picture. this is totally cracking me up just thinking about it. as i took the picture. this happened.

FAIL!! he almost fell over.

i love my brother.

insta-friday, facebook, & a couple new things!

2011-08-12T06:30:00.004-05:00

"it's friday, friday, gotta get down of friday!"

my children know that part of the song because i sing it all the time. what?! it's catchy! don't judge. HERE's the vid if you'd like to have a laugh.

14 yr old kids are so lame.

ok, um....oh! right! insta-friday! i didn't do great at taking pictures this week. so here's what i got.

first up! a tiny bear hat for a very special little girl that will be making her appearance just in time for hat season!

vanilla syrup from the [dollar store] & pepsi. heaven.

The Switch with the boys. i think that was on Sunday?

isabella hates cold milk. so i try and get it into her other ways. cheese, cereal AND milk, but yogurt is her favorite. specially with fruit & graham crackers in it. try it! it's delicious!

pom poms!! {tutorial here}

a basket of work! fun work. & for an awesome person too! think of this as a "sneak peek" of something great, fun, something you won't want to miss out on. one of the best collaborations in history. ok just my history but it'll be a treat! i'm so excited!!

that's it!

on facebook:

now. about facebook. i've been off of facebook for 2 weeks now. {explanation here}

i have to admit that at first i kind of had withdraws. i got on mathew's facebook a day after my rant about how much i hate it sometimes. but we're not friends with all the same people so that was weird.

other than that, it's been great & that was the only time i "cheated".

i feel cleansed.

no drama. no wasting time on it being envious, nosy, jealous, upset or consumed about what others are doing. specially those i'd rather not see in a bikini, or know what they had for breakfast.

i did make a decision. i love facebook. i like posting pictures of the children so my mom can see them because she doesn't get to see them too often. my mother-in-law {& father-in-law} also keep up with us that way. it's nice.

all the other stuff... i'm gonna have to cut loose.

if you get "unfriended", please know that it's not because i don't want anything to do with you {though for a couple, that is the case}, or because i don't want to be your friend.

it's because we're not REAL friends.

we don't hang out.

i wouldn't call you in a crisis and you wouldn't call me either. we probably don't even have eachother's number.

those are the people i'm clearing off of my newsfeed, removing myself from theirs.

family though, they'll stay. it's family.

unless they say something stupid. then i won't hesitate on that "delete button"

just keeping it real people!

so to sum it all up, my decision is to get back on facebook, just ditch the fake friends.

and a couple new things:

did you see my new picture?! i know i know! lovely! took like 1 million shots to get one i actually liked. and that's all i got. 1.

i also made a "blog button"! yay! i'm so hi-tech! not. anyway, you'll find it on the right side margin. if you have a blog and would like to "swap" buttons, just let me know and i'll add yours to my "line up". Mandy & i already have! her "button" is adorable and it's right below the code for mine. OR if you'd like to make one & dont' know how i'd be more than happy to help, or you can follow this super simple tutorial from the Blog Guidebook {also in right margin}

AND i added a "subscribe via email" box too! now you can get me and my crazy rantings in your inbox! to sign up just type your email into the box right below my picture on the top left! notice i change "email" to "EMMAil". i'm so clever! corny, but cleaver!

as always, you can email me at ball{dot}emmaj{at}gmail{dot}com or just leave a comment below! thanks for stopping by!!

gardening

2011-08-11T05:23:00.000-05:00

this post kept "accidentally" being published before i was done. {isabella. she loves being like mommy & typing on the laptop}. So, for those of you that are on my emma-iling ;) list you probably got a couple of emails with partial posts. forgive me for that!

anyway, it's thursday again. time for the inspiration workshop! this week were looking at gardens! well, gardening. remember this post? where my garden was fantastic. i was so proud. well , guess what!?

i gave up on it.

i stopped watering, weeding, caring.

1. squash bugs ate my squash & cucumbers. on morning i went to the garden to pick tomatoes & they were just... gone.

2. japanes beetles attacked.

3. drought/heat wave... i'm not going to be out there in 110°+ weather! no thank you.

4. i planted some hydrangea bushes by the front door and the dog dug them up. they were doing great too. i really don't like that dog sometimes. ok, a lot of the time.

so yeah! that's what's up with MY gardening right now.

but i wish i had a pretty garden, pretty landscaping. i wish my hydrangeas had grown to look like this.

as much as i love flowers though, having something minimal, just green would be great. of course around here all of our trees, bushes, even evergreens have wilting leaves right now. {Thank God for the rain we got on Tuesday & Wednesday}

but time. there's just no time for it. i have too many things to do inside. & i can hardly keep up with all that. but if you'd like to bring me some fresh flowers, i wouldn't mind.

this though, would be a dream. specially if i didn't have to do any of the work.

my beautiful, funny, great friend Amanda has a green thumb. she works at a {tree} nursery on the weekends. i love going to her house. the front of the house is gorgeous, but the back yard is where we spend most of our time when we're there. that or the kitchen of course. i love going there. it's so relaxing.

i could live there.

well... see you tomorrow for "insta-friday" & a facebook update!!

Martha Monday - tissue paper pom poms

2011-08-08T10:03:00.004-05:00

hello. i haven't been keeping up with my "weekly" posts very well. not too many Martha Mondays. Sorry Martha, i don't relate to you sometimes... as u'll see displayed on my instagram feed

this was my kitchen sink last Friday. no bueno.

Martha would be so ashamed.
but i also haven't been posting my Sunday Read Alongs. i've been reading, taking notes, just not blogging it.
my bad. forgive me. i'll TRY to do better.
so lets get back to Martha!
the first time i saw these was in a kit by Martha at Michael's i think.

{images via pinterest "tissue paper pom pom" search}

then tiffany used them for my baby shower for Isabella.

and katlyn had some at her last birthday party.

i love them. i think i'll make some for isabella's room.

here's the how to! straight from Martha.

{marthastewart.com}

stack 8 20X30 inch sheets of tissue. make 1 1/2 inch wide accordion folds, creasing with each fold.

{marthastewart.com}

"fold and 18 inch piece of floral wire, {or any kind of wire} in half, and slip over center of folded tissue; twist. with scissors, trim end of tissue into rounded or pointy shapes." in the picture above the smaller pom pom is cut pointy, & the bigger one is rounded. you could cut slits in the ends like fraying almost too! that would be cute!

{marthastewart.com}

"separate layers, pulling away from center one at a time"

{marthastewart.com}

"twist wire to secure!"

BUT!! there are so many variations. the fringe effect like i mentioned above, less tissue paper sheets would give them an airier look, i wouldn't recommend using more than 8 or 9. you can buy a package of about 9 sheets at Target or Wal-mart for about $1. and think of all the prints! polka dot, striped! mixing colors! make red & green ones for christmas! what about 4th of July ones?! what's even better is you can fold them back up and store them to use them as long as they'll hold up!

i found these on pinterest too! think of all the possibilities.

{images via pinterest "tissue paper pom pom" search}

i even made a fringe one like the one i mentioned earlier that i thought would be pretty.

cute huh?!

i used a ribbon instead of wire. though wire would be good so you can just measure the length of your string, ribbon, yarn, whatever you use when hanging your pom pom. also, i would recommend not fluffing them until the day of, or until you're ready to hang them. they are easier to transfer that way too {for a party at a different location}

however you choose to use them, whatever color, size, or print you choose to use for them, i promise you'll love the way they look!

insta-friday

2011-08-05T00:26:00.063-05:00

HELLO FRIDAY!!

i'm linking up with Life. Rearranged to bring you my week via instagram!

no mon-friday recap here though... just things that are filling up my life

Isabella

sweet baby / evil, something up my sleeve baby.

lime wedge. who does that?! oh right! i do!

that curl. that. curl.

lots of Douglas

sleeping in his brand new {my old} big, big boy bed {a twin}

he wanted me to take a picture of his "milk musnache"!!

yes! we use a stock tank to swim in, doesn't everybody?!

of course food!

my mother sent me this... i have a hard time resisting soda, much more this kind!!

frozen watermelon. try it. it'll change your life!!

thursday. mother in law watched the kids while i went to michael's to buy some yarn. starbucks is right there. how could i not?! then came back home to do some work! my "business" is actually starting to feel like work! in a good way! exciting!

speaking of!! lots of work done this week too!

made piping {left} for this custom crib bumper {right}... bumper down, whole rest of the bedding set & changing pad covers to go.

lots of crocheting done. even out in the heat!{top left} made some cute Isabella hats for a couple of Carthage Tiger 1st grade cheerleaders {top right} Go Tigers! started building my inventory for the fall craft fair {bottom 2} yellow {right} is my favorite pictures. it's making big things happen for me! i'll let you know more... soon!

How was your week?!

Hope you have a very happy weekend!!

a day in the life...

2011-08-05T00:15:00.003-05:00

so i haven't been linking up with the inspiration workshop because i haven't really been feeling inspired... not to blog anyway. as i told you before, {here} i have lots of "work" to do. a cape, a WHOLE bedding set, 7 hats, that on top of building up inventory for the Northwest Arkansas Craft Fair.

week 10's prompt though was A DAY IN THE LIFE... this i can do! i even took {some} pictures!

first this is what i wish my day was like:

6:30/7am wake up, do yoga, have breakfast.
8am wake up kids, feed them breakfast, get them dressed.
9am - sesame street. duh!
10am - outside play with the kids {while it's not super hot out}
11am - isabella naps. D colors, or helps me while I unload the dishwasher, do the dishes from breakfast & get lunch ready.
12:00pm lunch with D
12:30pm Isabella wakes up & has lunch
1pm - 3pm kids play while i clean up & blog or sew or something fun.
3pm - 4pm snack movie time
4pm - isabella's nap time play with D
5pm-7pm get pre-scheduled dinner ready,
7pm isabella wakes up, have dinner with kids & billy {maybe mathew if he's home},
8pm - bath time for the kiddos
8:15pm - isabella's bed time
8:30pm - D's bed time
9pm - clean up the kitchen make some raspberry tea
9:30-11pm - sew, blog, watch a movie or trashy reality tv, while i drink my tea. or go to starbucks. any other # of things i want to do really...
11pm- bed time.
11:30-6:30am sleep... UNINTERRUPTED SLEEP.

but reality is this:

9am - trying to get as much sleep as possible. only wake up because the kids wake up. darn kids needing food & caring.
9:something - find something for them to eat for breakfast, eggs, yogurt & fruit... cereal. something quick.
9:30 get me something to eat, more than likely a parfait {vanilla yogurt, thawed frozen fruit, with granola}, or just some saltines.... whatever it is Isabella eats most of it even though she just had her own breakfast. while we watch sesame street or yesterdays episode of The View on Hulu. we sit on the couch and "wake up" for the day. hand in nose & mouth included

10-11am... hang out. check email, etc... maybe get dressed.
11:30am isabella goes down for a nap. me & D unload the dishwasher and clean up the kitchen from breakfast... some days...
12:00pm try and figure out what to make for lunch. end up fixing something easy. pb&j side of strawberries, cheese & carrot sticks.
1pm Isabella gets up & i feed her lunch. i eat the same thing they did or just some saltines... whatever it is Isabella eats most of it even though she just had her own lunch.
1:30pm go outside because more than likely we didn't go outside earlier. {now it's the hottest time of the day of course}

1 -1:45pm we play outside, swing... lay in the hammock... until we almost die from the heat..
2pm go inside & recover from the heat, apple juice all around... except for me, i have lemonade... ok fine! pepsi. sue me!
3pm - isabella's nap time & scenerio #1- i'm kind of tired too. & d is really cranky so i'll lay down with him for a bit. don't wake up until 6. scenerio #2- kids lay down i waste time on facebook scenerio #3- now that i'm not on facebook anymore i spend time crocheting or sewing, or even cleaning!!
5pm - start scrambling for dinner.
5:30pm - D wakes up freaking out, confused.
6pm - get back to trying to figure out dinner, isabella wakes up
6:30/7pm - have dinner with kids & billy {maybe mathew if he's home} we eat quesadillas, spaghetti, something quick. i eat the same thing they do or just some saltines... whatever it is Isabella eats most of it even though she just had her own dinner.
8:30pm - isabella's bed time. D's not tired because of that nap he took.
9pm -10pm- isabella's still awake singing & talking in her crib. she lets out a fake cry every 15 minutes or so. Douglas "i dont' want to go to bed i'm not tired". when i finally make him go to bed & watch a movie he keeps getting up because he has to pee 500 times, or says his tummy hurts, but not really.
10pm - i remember i should have made me some tea, but instead i'm cleaning the kitchen from dinner. go check on Isabella. her room smells like crap. the middle of the night pooper strikes again!
11pm D finally falls asleep. mathew needs something, remind billy what time it is & that he's supposed to be up in 4 hours.
11:30pm finally get my tea & sit on the couch with my lap top for a bit. hear scratching at the door. forgot about the freaking dog. watch something. get sucked in. start blogging/editing pics/crocheting/anything else that keeps me up until 1am
1am - bed time.
3am - d comes into bed with us
7am - wake up because D almost pushed me off the bed & my arm is asleep from trying to sleep on the edge. tell myself i just need another hour. need to get isabella up at 8.
9am - be disappointed that i didn't get up earlier & start all over again.

all this. besides the fact that Isabella is at the stage where she's into everything... so when she's awake you have to be with her. she listens great. doesn't get hurt. but she's very curious about the toilet & reaching into it, D doesn't always flush. she's so fast she disappears, so basically you're on "Isabella watch" the whole time she's awake. trying to get a shower in there somewhere, changing diapers, doing laundry, picking up toys, & keeping the peace.

here's to more days like the wish list at top & less days like this past tuesday, thursday {2nd list}

happenings

2011-08-03T09:32:00.000-05:00

Isabella's been feeling better. no fevers, no puking. one molar is all the way through. but i wonder, does that mean she'll fever & puke when every single molar comes in?? that's a fear of mine. she's still a bit cranky though. and since she's walking everywhere she's into everything. wants to touch everything, eat everything, take everything.
Douglas doesn't want to wear pants.
mathew's been home since this post. talk about a little too much time together.
last tuesday i went to PF Changs with a few of my "mommy friends". didn't see anyone or go anywhere else the rest of the week. well except my in-laws but they don't really count do they??! but last night Liz & i did get to hang out for a bit. {pictures to come} and today we're going over to Amanda's for a little playdate. i think the kids need out of this house as much as i do.
Billy.
i have a cape order to fill, a long with an order for 5 "beary cute" hats, and 2 Isabella hats with bows. all this on top of the bedding set i'm working on for liz.
i have so many drafts started for blog posts. but then these children and people keep needing food, or their butts wiped. well the kids need their butts wiped.
oh! mathew did change a poopy diaper last night while i was out. Isabella is the middle of the night pooper.
last night i went grocery shopping. like super late. after my "date" with liz. as soon as i got my groceries put in the car a couple of guys pulled in to the space close to me and one of the guys, ~~a nice looking one~~, asked me for my cart, he put it in the cart thing for me. it's a toss up in my head of whether he was hitting on me or thought i was pregnant & needed help. lets go with the hitting on me one.
i don't miss facebook. i feel cleansed.

that's whats been happening!

insta-friday

2011-07-29T23:57:00.000-05:00

without further ado...
at 11:45 pm
that's still counts as friday right?!
here's my week via instagram

last Saturday was out 6 yr anniversary! we went on a date. had a great time. i dressed up a little.

"wore these on our date saturday! i never wear stuff like that, but i think i'll start!"

Sunday, I finally finished rearranging my sewing/crocheting/crafting area.

"happy buttons! :)"

monday was a blah day. but we did get to see the cool moth!

"giant month outside of the bank! gross!"

Tuesday I got to enjoy a girl's night!! PF Chang's or bust! {1.5 hrs away! fun little roadtrip!} and even got to bring home the joy of lettuce wraps to my hubby, WHO'D NEVER TRIED THEM! whoa?! they're like heaven!

"happy tummy"

Wednesday morning landed us in the ER room again!

"Aw poop!!! "mystery pain" is back!!! :( @ McCune Brooks Hospital"

wednesday, thursday & friday all run together. lack of sleep. teething baby. who puked 2 times today by the way! ON ME!

we got out juicer today, mathew made a couple of juices, we figure we'll like them cold better so we put them in the fridge & we will start tomorrow

"the start of the green juice {& carrot juice}" #fatsickandnearlydead

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND!!

mathew

2011-07-28T16:20:00.000-05:00

so mathew's ER trip #1 ended with "we'll diagnose you with kidney stones, even though we didn't see any"

and mathew's ER trip #2 ended with some morphine {lucky guy!} and a "organs look fine, you're not dying. it must be a musculo-skeletal problem."

we called Dr Ford. he went in this morning. he has a floating rib. his 10th rib. Dr Ford says they should have seen it in the million xrays, the cat scan, and maybe even the MRI they did.

what a joke!! why didn't they see that?!! what's their problem??? anyway. it's super painful, but we're glad to finally know what is going on.

{source}

but a floating rib?! a FLOATING RIB?! scary, kinda gross... sounds painful. i guess it wasn't just gas like i told him i thought it was {i'm an awesome wife!}

Liz was all "what? is that a real thing or are you just talking frack?!" what's frack Liz?! Kalyn, the surgical tech, who i'm sure studied some medical stuff was all "what is that?!" and of course Dr. Doug Ball {mathew's dad} was all "that's a bunch of phouie" {a load of fouie? is that like louie with a ph? f?} the english language baffles me.

so yeah, that's what's up. Dr. Ford put it back in place and gave him some pointers for relieving the pain when it happens again.

because it probably will.
because doc said we need a new "firm" mattress. yeah we're rolling in dough so we'll go right out & buy a Serta or something! actually, we'll probably just put a board under the mattress. {thanks DJ!!}

so as painful and sucky as it is. we're glad to know what's going on. now excuse me while i do some "floating rib" googleing

facebook

2011-07-28T11:46:00.001-05:00

no, i'm not missing.

you didn't get "unfriended" {at least not yet}

i've been thinking about it for a while & finally decided to give it a go.

i deactivated my Facebook account.

i don't miss it yet. i actually feel, relieved. a load off. deadpan.

i read this post and then this one. the 2nd one is really neither here nor there with me though I guess, because I don't have a big following {at least not yet} or super successful shop {at least not yet}.

but even before that, i thought about it.

first off -
what Kerri calls "the surface, shallow friendships". there are some people i'm "friends" with on there that i haven't seen or talked to in a LONG time {not even on facebook} & they live in the same town. it's not just their fault. i don't reach out either. though honestly i think i put more effort into friendships than most. i haven't had close friends since... well none in high school, i seemed to be too conservative for my high school class. I did have great church friends but only saw them once a week or so and couldn't really share my whole "life" with them you have to be in high school to understand it.. the only friends i did have were adults. mom & dad like to me. those people, those friends, though older than me are still my friends. they live either in central Arkansas {5+ hours away from me} or in Bolivia {a different world}. so when i meet someone that i really want to be friends with i take the time to get to know them, call them, text them, be there for them.

Kalyn was my last "real" friend. i met her my first day working at a bank in Northwest Arkansas, the day before she had her daughter. I had Douglas a year later... IN NORTH CAROLINA. Kalyn puts up with me. when mathew & i had some "issues" a few years back, Kalyn's house was open to me at 3am when i thought running away was the only way to get my act together. she was also the one that said "maybe you should go home". we have the same kind of humor, that's a very important trait in a friend..... since we live far away from eachother we don't talk as much. we're there for the major & can "pick up where we left off" any time.

honestly, i think my honesty, my way of thinking scares people off. I'm not one to push my believes in a way to make you feel uncomfortable or inadequate. i know that most people feel completely comfortable to be themselves and speak their mind around me and i should feel the same right?! I have made a couple of friends lately. I love them, they're great. they're REAL friends.

second-
bragging. why do people feel the need to brag about everything they have/own/do. specially the "i just got a mani-pedi, going to eat at the most expensive place in the world then shopping for $6,000.00 bags... 2 of them!" every freakin day. i have to admit, some of it is me. oh the jealousy. i'm usually a very simple gal. don't wear much make up, keep my hair pretty plain. like cute comfy clothes {dresses with pockets!!}. i love a good bargain. but then when i see people like THAT & i'm like, well maybe i should try harder, why don't i look like that, why isn't my husband buying me stuff like that. why aren't WE in debt up to our eyeballs?! oh right because it's stupid & so not me.

now that i'm a mom, the moms on there really "grind my gears" {name that show!} "my baby never cries, breastfeeding is so easy if you don't do it you're a whimp, i make the bed everyday, my house is spotless and i just cooked a 5 course lunch, gotta get started on dinner while my wonderful children play without fighting & making messes!" what thuh?! no one believes that, all you're doing is telling people like me that you don't think we're as good as you. you ma'am can go eat your 5 course meal while i unfriend you. and at the same time i question my decisions as a parent, look at my house and want to run away, go eat a tub of ice cream because as much as i don't want it to, it still gets to me.

third-
me. i seem to cause some problems. i'm the girl that gets called into the principal's office for making someone cry. not just for fun, but in defense of someone else or my beliefs. i hate bullies, i hate when people criticize everything. specially on facebook. it's like hey, if i like fishing, my profile will probably be loaded with fishing pics, you don't like fishing?? fine but you don't have to ramble about how you don't like my pictures & fishing is cruel or whatever people say. i don't like fishing. lol

lastly-
unfriending. i've narrowed down my list from like 400 to 206. i keep family members & REAL friends, ones that i interact with at least on facebook. but there are those 30 or so that i feel if i remove them i'll hear something. they'll talk crap about me. they'll get together & say, "what a jerk!" which i guess i can be sometimes. or they'll think i'm trying to hide something. the people who aren't my friends but still creep on my facebook page. i DO post often. a lot actually. i like to. i also like to keep my friends & family updated on Mathew & the kids. i have no family less than 1.5 hours away. & most of it is atleast 18-26 hours away. facebook is a means to keep tabs on each other. to see our cousins & what they're up to, to see pictures of our kids & can't believe how long it's been since we used to have sleepovers. it's nice. but those other people, the s*** talkers {can you tell i'm getting a bit aggravated?}, the fake smilers, the oh "i love you're new dress" sayers {how the heck do you know what my freakin wardrobe is?! this is 5 years old! to which then they say "oh well you haven't worn it in a while!" what?! i don't remember what i wore yesterday!}. THOSE people, the ones i need to unfriend but can't find the guts.... they were the last straw.

so i finally did it. i figure this way i'll see how i feel about it in a couple of weeks. if i feel ok with letting "those people" creep, see, talk about, comment on my life then i will activate it & not worry about them. but right now what i really want to do, because i really do love facebook, is delete all of them and only keep my real life family & friends.

we'll see if i have withdraws or anything. and if you're reading these last sentences, thank you for hanging in through my rant. maybe back to happiness & yellow walls tomorrow. this whole teething kid, ER visits, missing grandma, not sleeping more than a couple hours at a time thing is draining me & my happy. but it'll be better soon. after the molars come in. i think i'll go clean the kitchen & bake a cake. or just take a nap.

mathew

2011-07-27T12:57:00.000-05:00

MRI results:

small tear inbetween L4 & L5

sucky place for it. specially for someone who does manual labor for a living. for someone who drives a tractor or a semi-truck nearly every day. but nothing to be done about it until it tears. they want to give him cortisone shots to help with the pain & steroid shots to see if it'll help it heal itself. when it tears all the way, then they can do surgery. i'm not crazy about that. so i've been online doing research. thinking of doing a detox. eating raw foods. maybe even juicing like on Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead. this movie is on Netflix watch instantly section. i totally recommend you take the time to watch it.

i don't think i could go 60 days. mathew wants to do a 10 day juice fast. we're getting ready for it. i might do a 5 day one Mathew though, is desperate for some relief. I'm also working on cutting refined sugar out of our diet. going to use a stevia mixture instead.

this morning we went to the ER again. Mathew woke up with the same pain from last monday. but up higher too. and stronger. it scared him. he drove himself to the ER and i called his mother to come watch the kids. again. they ran the same tests & some more. they also did some x-rays.. his kidneys & other organs are fine. no problems. they think it might be Musculo-Skeletal. they don't know what to think, they just know, or say they know he's not in danger from anything major organ damage.

Isabella

2011-07-26T11:49:00.001-05:00

last thursday Isabella had her 15 month check up!

the office we used to go to was umm... blown away, destroyed... is gone. May 22nd Tornado. so glad it was on a Sunday, it was bad but it could've been so much worse. now when you go to joplin and you're on "the edge" of the destruction area it looks like... well, you know when you go to the beach and you see buildings but nothing behind them, that's when you know the beach is just right there! well, this is what joplin looks like. everything's there around the outside, but the middle, is just gone. when you're at the edge of it it looks like the world ends just past that building. i guess for so many it probably felt/feels/seems that way.

her doctor is at a temporary location. it's nice to see everyone come together. so many donations. one of the things in the rooms we were waiting in was this book. pretty sure we need it. lol

she got a couple of shots, but also a sucker and a goose? duck? swan? whatever it is she calls it "da da" which is her version of "quack quack" {can you tell i'm a farmer's wife? cause i am. i should know farm animal species right?}

doctor said, "she'll be 5'8, maybe 5'9" what?!! that's like another person taller than me! ok a "little person" but still! {I'm 4'8 if you didn't know}

the doctor looked in her mouth & said, "whoa! all 4 molars at the same time! that's one way to do it!" one of them has come through, the other 3 are on the brink.. The doctor said, "feel free to give her tylenol if she has trouble sleeping or anything". i didn't. i don't. i hate giving her things if she's not miserable. if she's not complaining or acting like it bothers her then she'll be ok without it. i do give her popsicles, and wash rags and things to chew on. she's been sleeping ok. not too cranky, but last night. last night was a little rough.

12:30am-
fake crying. the crying that you know is just to get attention. the "crying" she does with just her voice, no tears, no actual crying. i pick her up change her we diaper. love her for a few minutes. i put her and her teddy back in bed. i hear her talk and sing over the monitor for a bit then we both fall back asleep.

1:38am-
horrible ear screeching crying. as i jump out of bed & run downstairs i think "crap she fell out of her crib! but how?!". her leg is stuck. in the last slat. the one that's the part of the dresser that's attached to her crib. i "save" her. she's screaming. her shin has a dent in it & some of the skin looks like it's been peeled off. it's a little purple, but no blood. no broken leg. i take her to mine & mathew's bed because i need to get her ice. he holds her and calms her down while i get the ice. he's a great daddy. i put ice on it, once she's feeling better she starts standing up on the bed, wanting to smack us, sing, talk, etc. so i tell her it's night time, bed time. she can do that in her own bed if she'd like but the rest of us are sleeping. i put her and her teddy back in bed. i hear her talk and sing over the monitor for a bit then we both fall back asleep.

5:41am-
fake crying again. i'm exhausted. i go to her room. climb up into her crib and lay with her. she tries to go back to sleep. but she's hungry. her mollars hurt her. we get up. she eats a banana, a couple of graham crackers and has some water. AND SOME TYLENOL. i put her and her teddy back in bed {with the water on the dresser where she can reach it}. i hear her talk and sing over the monitor for a bit then we both fall back asleep.

blah!

2011-07-25T19:06:00.001-05:00

so i have read chapter 7 of Created To Be His Help Meet.
i took notes & i'm ready to share with you.

but i don't feel like it.
i feel very, very blah....
i still have my draft of insta-friday from last week {a post recaping the week in instagram pictures. i'll show you this friday}

i haven't gotten out of my yoga clothes from this morning.
good thing it was just some light yoga & stretching cause if not i'd totally stink.

but Douglas & i did run to the bank & the post office today. yes, in my yoga clothes. Billy kept an eye on Isabella for me {she was asleep the whole time}

outside the bank we saw this!

a moth.

a giant moth.

i have a very low tolerance for moths. meaning that they make me gag. they scare me. give me the hibbie jibbies.

i guess we have a knack for finding moths though. {like the one we found coming out of its cocoon a couple months back - here}

of course D had to "pet it".

that was the highlight of the day pretty much.

i think maybe i'm blah because of my grandma.

she's been living with my mom but now she's decided to go visit family in NC & Maryland for a couple of months. from there she's going back to Cali to spend time with my only aunt, her sisters & their kids.

by Christmas she wants to be in El Salvador.

she wants to stay there.

she feels like a burden.

honestly, she kind of is.

she stayed with us for a few days and it was like having another kid.. except you can't tell her no. i mean you can't get on to her.

and she doesn't speak or read english so she used my lysol wipes that were on the toilet as wet wipes for her ummm... self. lol funny & sad at the same time.

every day she wanted to be take out. to go somewhere, even if it was just for a ride.

she eats like 10 meals a day. plus snacks.

she wants to go to walmart with you. and look at every single thing! by the time you get to groceries she's tired & ready to go home. but not before she sneaks a chocolate bar into the cart.

actually.... this sounds a lot like me. well, except for the using lysol wipes on your butt part. and normally it's red bull i sneak in. not chocolate.

she also says that she feels like her life is coming to an end and it's too expensive to be buried in the US. she doesn't want to put that on us. she wants to see the family she hasn't seen in a while. last time she was in El Salvador was about 6 years ago. that's her home. our home.

my grandma {or abuela} & my mom came to visit last Saturday.

that might have been the last time i got to see her. the last time she saw my children, my husband, my brother. me.

though she's a handful i can't imagine life without her in it.

mi abuelita.

the woman i was named after.

no matter what i know that every morning she gets on her knees and begs God for me. to protect me, teach me, love me, take care of me and my family. i know that she names us by name before The Lord. I can't imagine her not doing that.

after she prays she "works out" she does laps around the house. {smile} she does neck exercises. look right, left, up, down, right, left... lol no stiff old lady here. then she eats an eggo waffle with banana slices & syrup on top.

maybe this is what i needed. just to reflect & share her.

thanks for readin...

words from Pinterest

2011-07-21T09:06:00.000-05:00

so, you know i love me some pinterest.

i love all my boards.

today though i feel the need to share a little "pick-me-up".

a little fun.

a few wise words.

on pinterest you can find lots of interesting, fun, wise quotes.

some that seem made just for you.

like this one:

i love lemons.

i love cupcakes

my wedding colors were pink & yellow.

it's almost like it was made for this little corner of the universe that is wholly me.

this blog.

MY blog.

there are also funny ones.

this one totally cracks me up.

and things that i wish i could tell some people.

ha ha! love it!

you can find quotes to remind us of what is important in day to day life. even in the minute {my-nute?}.

quotes to remind me to be myself.

you be yourself too!

even when it's hard.

even when you're not sure.

even when you think others will dislike you for it.

wise words.

words that remind me that even when being "myself" i must be considerate.

words to remind me not to waste my time, my life, or my family's time with petty things like anger.

worry.

{this one reminds me of my mother-in-law. she's a worrier & has passed that trait onto her son. my husband. hi susan!}

and even yesterday.

past times even with all the great memories won't get you anywhere today.

everyday is a new day & should be taken as an opportunity for new memories, new creations, new achievements.

i hope that you enjoyed these!
and i hope that you have a great day, because my favorite thing about this blog is sharing it with you!

Mathew's trip to the ER

2011-07-19T13:44:00.207-05:00

2:15am - a very hard, dull ache wakes mathew up

3:30am - i wake up to mathew standing over me. not cool. he said the left side of his back hurt really bad. but not where & like it had been, this was different. i got up with him. he looked panicked. he was walking the entire house stretching, bending, trying to make it go away. he said it almost felt like it needed to pop. we thought about calling Dr Ford at home. looked for his number. but again this wasn't his back. what do we do? maybe mathew's parents had his number. maybe he could tell us something.
4am - i call mathew's parents house. his dad answered. i told him what was going on. he didn't have the number. i think that dad was a doctor in a past life, or at least thinks he was. after 5 minutes of him trying to diagnose the problem & asking why mathew couldn't just make himself comfortable until Dr Ford opened i told him i would just call him back & let him know if we decided to go to the ER.

4:08am - i decided we had to go.

4:10am - i call mathew's parent's house. his mom answers. i ask her to head this way.

4:30am - when mathew's mom pulls in. mathew was already in the tahoe. if i didn't have to tell susan that D was in our bed & where the kid's breakfast was, he would've had me leave the moment we saw her on the road.

4:50am - we arrive at the empty ER & register. {empty ER, perk of living in Southwest MO} while we wait he tells me he's sorry for waking me up. he knew he needed to but couldn't do it. he said i "looked to pretty sleeping to be woken up". when he turned to walk away is when i woke up. so sweet.

5:00am - we get taken back by a nurse. who takes his blood pressure, temp, etc. she asks if mathew had ever had a kidney stone. she takes him to a room. gives him a gown. and one of those hand held plastic urinal things.

in pain

5:10am - the nurse tell him she's going to take some blood samples and after that she'll come back to do an IV. she takes the blood samples and gives him a shot of pain meds then tells him that she's going to give him a shot of salt water {saline} into his arm. The saline is to keep the hole open while she goes to get an IV bag. this way it'll be clean and no fussing with it. she told him that he would taste & smell it. he did. he thought it was awesome lol
5:15am - mathew while the nurse is gone "I love getting an RV! RV?! i mean IV!" lol I tell him that his gown is beautiful & matches his eyes. the nurse comes in with a warm blanket, the tv remote & IV supplies. we watch an infomercial then he switches over to Family Matters. Urkel. Carl. fun times

pretty eyes. he's such a ham.

5:25am - Doctor Featherly comes in. he feels around mathew's belly. asks some questions. tell him he's probably passing a kidney stone. ouch! I smile a little. child birth anyone?

by then mathew's feeling a bit better. "those pain meds are amazing!"

5:50am - Doctor comes back in. his shift is over in 10 minutes. He tells us that there was no blood in mathew's urine which should be the case with a kidney stone. He decides to do a cat scan on mathew's belly just to be sure it's nothing else & to see where the kidney stone is at.
6:00am - Dawson. his name is Dawson. he smelled like a really, really old bowling alley. mathew said he walked super slow. Dawson took mathew for his cat scan.
as soon as mathew leaves an alarm goes off. it sounds like a factory alarm but very feint. i figure it's because mathew's out of the room or something. you know. but he wasn't hooked up to anything. & our phones were on silent... hmmm... it's kind of annoying. it sounded like this.

6:08am - i decide to get out of that freakin room bc it's driving me crazy. maybe i'll go to the bathroom or something. i look at the machines. & notice "ALL ALARMS OFF" what the?! still, i grab my purse & hear the noise closer to me but not quite sure where from. it's mathew's alarm. he comes back in & says, "that was so cool!" we laugh about my little alarm incident then we find HOME IMPROVEMENT! score! that JTT was my first crush.
6:40am - nurse comes in & tells mathew that they didn't find a kidney stone. at least not that they could see but that he is being diagnosed with a kidney stone because of his symptoms. he could have been a bit dehydrated & his kidneys might have just been basically spazzing out. he was given meds for pain & instructions/info on kidney stones.
6:50am - we're handling all the insurance stuff at "check out" & getting ready to leave when the nurse finds us and tells us that the doctor who just came in wants to talk to us, if we could please go back to the room.
we hear the doctor on the phone with Dr Featherly who just left the hospital. "we should warn him.. there's nothing there. .... did you run.... what about..... renal....." we overhear him talking with the nurse "did you ? yes we took blood already, what else can we do? was drawing the blood easy or did you have trouble? it was fine..." i'll talk to them.
7:00am - Doctor comes in. "we didn't find a kidney stone you know that. but i need to tell you that we did find a stone in your appendix. this will cause appendicitis within the next 2 years. so if you feel a pain here you know that's more than likely what it is & you need to get to the hospital asap"
as we leave mathew says, "hmmm.... maybe this was God's way of preparing us for appendicitis." I think he's right. knowing him, he'd wait until it was too late before deciding to go to the hospital with pain. notice his pain started almost 2 hours before deciding to go to the ER. boys!
on the way home he rambles {i think maybe he was a little high off his pain medicine} when we get home he lays down & he sleeps the rest of the day.

yes, that is a 1980's transformers blanket. it's his "sick blanket"

tuesday we went for his MRI for his back. he did great. although he did have to go in backwards because he's, quote "a beast!" we'll hear from the doctor hopefully before next week. Thanks for your prayers!

Martha Monday {painting vertical stripes}

2011-07-18T10:55:00.001-05:00

so, Martha Stewart didn't have much to say about painting vertical stripes.
at least not that i found.

so, hi! i'm emma & i painted these beautiful walls almost all by myself!
{my brother helped... a little}

so instead of a Martha Stewart info column {see here, here, here, here, here, & here}
i'll be the one giving the tips!

so, here are my tips for painting vertical stripes.

tip # 1- always start with the lighter color first!
First paint a base coat on the entire wall. for stripes that's really important because the base coat will be one of the stripes

tip #2- measure TWICE paint once.
from sewing i've learned that you measure twice, cut once. instead of ruining your work, your fabric, the whole thing. i would suggest {& so would the rest of the "experts" online} that Stripes should be between 4" and 12" wide. {A width of less than 4" would be too narrow and busy; more than 12", too wide and heavy} my stripes as 4 & 8 inches wide. measure from the corner least seen out. i used a pencil to mark my lines. I think a laser level would've been ideal for this! if i had one.

tip #3- mark the stripes you're NOT going to paint!
mark them with an x, or as i did in the picture below, with a diagonal strip of tape. you might get in the painting groove & paint a spot that you weren't supposed to.
{mathew & billy thought i was going to paint diagonal lines on those. silly boys}

tip #4- paint your edges FIRST!!

tip #5- be patient with the tape.
it'll tear your base color off if you don't wait 48 hours before even thinking of measuring & taping your stripes. trust me!

and last but most important!

tip #6- know what you're up against.
48 hours for base coat to dry. if you need to primer before that you'll need to make sure that dries. then dry time for the stripes. cleaning your walls before you even begin. this is at least a 4 or 5 day process. not 2 like initially thought. & that's not counting the 3 layers of wall paper & boarder I had to remove. also look up "painting vertical stripes" on youtube. there are some great videos by Home Depot!

love my stripes, though it was kind of a pain to do because i didn't know tip #6 & didn't know there were 3 layers of wallpaper. i'm still glad that i followed through, did it right & got the kitchen paint i wanted!

Sunday 'read along' {Created To Be A Help Meet Chapter 6}

2011-07-17T06:00:00.001-05:00

if you've missed chapter 1-5 click on the "Sunday read along" button on the left & you'll be taken right to them! or for a specific section i've added the following links!

intro to Created to be His Help Meet

chapter 1: God's Gift

chapter 2: A Merry Heart

chapter 3: A Thankful Spirit

chapter 4: Thanksgiving Produces Joy

chapter 5 The Gift of Wisdom part 1

chapter 5 The Gift of Wisdom part 2

chapter 5 The Gift of Wisdom part 3

"CREATED TO BE HIS Help Meet"

Discover how God can make your marriage glorious

by Debi Pearl

{as always my notes & commentary will be in fuchsia author's words & scripture references will be in black ....'s will appear where i've decided to skip parts}

ohhh.... man... I'm going to get emails on this one... oh well! considered yourself warned.

this week we are in Chapter 6: The Beginning of Wisdom i don't think i'll be doing a lot of "commentating". it kind of speaks for itself. here's my "summary"/key points!

FEAR

Wisdom is conceived in a strange place. It is fathered by fear. Many Christians, even ministers are unwilling to speak of fear. It doesn't sell well with a public that is lustful for pleasure. The commentators try to convince us that biblical fear is just respect for God. Not real fear..... But our actions and reactions do indeed reap painful results in this present life as well as in eternity. We live under a law of sowing and reaping that is as certain and unrelenting as disease and death. One might forestall the day of reaping, but it always comes with the surety of an eternal lawgiver. If women never slump onto a couch and weep for their loss and loneliness, if children never curse their parents, if no one ever experiences shame and regret, then fear is foolish, and anyone who would promote it would be an enemy of humanity. But if our choices can bring us to miserable ends, then fear is the healthiest deterrent we can have. It is the beginning of wisdom.

"The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom" {Psalm 110:10} "The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom" {Proverbs 9:10} "The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge" {Proverbs 1:7}

Anything God says three times is worth heeding. Watch out! much of what you will read in this book was written to put the fear of God into you. {again, consider yourself warned!} .... start sowing to the spirit, rather than to the flesh.

DISAPPOINTED OLD FAILURES

When a woman gets old and realizes that there is no man to love and cherish her, it is sad indeed, for she has failed in the very purpose for which she was created- to be a suitable helper to a man. {it's ok, go ahead, gasp, get angry, send me that email, disagree... this is the way God designed it, whether you agree or not}

We receive thousands of letters every year, mostly from bitter, middle-aged "spirit filled" women, disappointed with their "unspiritual" husbands, wanting someone to take sides with them against their "abusers". We also hear from younger wives just beginning to cultivate their bitterness..... I finally came to understand the wisdom of the command, "the aged women... teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands..." {Titus 2:3-4}. I saw that my advice needed to be directed to those young wives who are still trying to find their way. While still young, these women need to be warned, and they need an instruction manual to prevent them from growing into bitter, crazy old women.

.....

The consequences of sin are always cruel and costly, whether it is the sin of fornication or the sin of neglecting your calling as a help meet. And the collateral damage to children and family members is horrific.

*No woman has ever been happy and fulfilled who neglected to obey God in regard to her role as a help meet.* as you read the following example you will recall some woman you know who is in her forties and has a few "emotional issues". Her excuse might be menopause, but you will find that bitterness is the real source. A hormonal change doesn't change a woman's soul; it just tears down her carefully constructed defenses against expressing the carefully guarded content of her heart.

THE CRAZY LADY

I'll never forget something that happened several years ago. A middle aged couple with several children moved into our area so they could get counseling. The woman didn't like the counseling they had received in the church where they had met and married. She thought that by moving into our community where there are so many "spiritual men", her husband would "get some help". She wanted my husband to "disciple him"....

For many years before their marriage, her husband had been a highly successful and prosperous businessman, but after they married, she expressed her disapproval of his participation in the business world. Nor did she like the area where they lived. She thought he should "live by faith", which meant not working, but staying home with the ever-expanding family. He had been "Mr. Steady", a likeable, even lovable, big teddy bear, always friendly and ready with a smile. She was given to "words from the Lord". Her spiritual passions and commitments were deep *according to her*, and he was convinced so as well. He was intimidated by her because he carried guilt from past sins, which she never let him forget....{i think we've all been guilty of this at some point. i know i have, i am. we know how to push our guy's buttons and do so when it benefits us}

...because he wanted to make her happy, and because he was awed by her "closeness to the Lord", he relocated and modified his business as "God directed her". But his new ventures never prospered. The lack of success at his age left him shaken and he lost his courage. His frustration and insecurity were, to her, proof of his lack of faith. She tried to "encourage" him to "walk in faith"... maybe full-time Christian service.... Their marriage bed suffered ... They had also been reading our literature and decided that our community would be their salvation.

It didn't take my husband and me long to see the source of their problems. It turned out, as we learned later, that we were in agreement with the counselors from their previous church. She was not her husband's helper; she was his conscience. {um... ouch. i've been guilty of this more times than i can count. how awful} .... She would describe her attitude toward her husband as "encouraging him to a higher walk"

The move to our area took up the last of their financial resources, and they were soon broke to the last dollar. When they did get a little money, she insisted on tithing it, believing God would return it manyfold. We warned her over and over against usurping authority and dishonoring her husband. She just couldn't believe that God would have her, a "spiritual woman", stand up for and follow a "carnal" man.

The foremost drive of her life was her own "deep" spirituality. She felt that the "Spirit" was her guide and that what God said about and to women concerning their position in the chain of command was not relevant to her; she was the exception....

....

She was totally deceived into thinking that her female intuition, sensitivity, and passions were spirituality. She had no idea that she was a woman in total rebellion against God. King Saul of Israel offered sacrifices to God, but he did so in disregard to the clearly revealed will of God. He thought the end justified the means. His motive was to glorify God, but God said his religious service was rebellion equal to witchcraft. {1st Samuel 15:23} When a woman attempts to live for God contrary to his Word, her "spirituality" is equal to witchcraft, because she is attempting to "divine" the will of God in total disregard of his clear written words. God calls such a woman "Jezebel".

It was clear to my husband and me that her sin would be her distruction. It had already reduced her once strong, resourceful husband to a fearful, pitiful man. Over the years, the poisonous bile of her soul had been affecting her mind. One night, immediately after an especiallly powerful church service, while everyone was "fellowshipping" I saw her approach my husband rather excitedly. I began to make my way to him in case he needed me....... she said she had a vision from God, which explained all their troubles. about the time i got to her side, she began to name several of the young mothers with new babies in the church as her husband's sex partners, claiming the babies were his. My husband looked around, horrified at her filthy accusations.... her rantings got louder....

Here Mrs. Pearl tells about how her husband began singing Nothing But The Blood as loud as he could to drown her out. She joined in & then so did the rest of the people. Mrs. Pearl then put her arm around & led the "now totally crazed woman" out the door.

God had visited her with madness. He does "fearful" things like that. ..... A woman who thinks she can walk her own way because she believes herself spiritually gifted has no fear of Almighty God. "He that soweth iniquity shall reap vanity: and the rod of his anger shall fail" {Proverbs 22:8} "Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap" {Galatians 6:7}

PRACTICE MAKES "AWFUL" PERFECTLY AWFUL

By the time many women are entering their fortieth year, they are teetering on the edge of mental instability. They have spent several years of their life irritated at their husband, daily feeling hurt and responding with coldness and bitterness. Instead of practicing being thankful and , merry. They are practicing bitterness. As practice enables the pianist to find the right keys without effort or thought, so a woman who practices discontentment will, without thought, hit the notes of bitterness when her chain is pulled....

She has practiced her bitterness until it comes naturally, and she does not even recognize it. She will usualy define herself as one who stands against pride and evil. She will "do what is right, even if no one else will".

In the course of time, as her edginess and moddiness grow, she realizes that she can no longer control her nervousenss. One day her "nerves" snap and she loses control, screaming like a crazy woman and calling loved ones terrible names. She will say it was "just a bad hormone day" ... The family learns to tolerate her occasional blow-ups.... After a trip to the doctor, she is calmer... "more her old self". The doctor changed her medication.

"mom sleeps more now".

"shh! don't wake up mom! she's having a bad day!"

The disturbed woman expects her family to appease her and is offended when they act like life is just fine. God is visiting her soul with a rot called madness. First, she is only mad at her husband. Years pass and she is mad at the family. As time goes on she is mad at the Church. Then she is mad at the mailman and the waitress. Practicing, always practicing her madness. Mad, all the time mad. Madness.

"The LORD shall smite thee with madness, and blindness, and astonishment of heart" {Deuteronomy 28:28}

"The beginning of the words of his mouth is foolishness: and the end of his talk is mischievous madness" {Ecclesiastes 10:13}

whew! did you survive. I'm going to try this week & practice from now on to not be my husband's conscience. to know my place in God's design & be happy there. honestly, when i think about it, it's the only place i'm happy & fulfilled.

I've had to turn on comment moderation because i was getting some "spam" comments but please feel free to comment, or email me. I'd love to hear your thoughts! {ballDOTemmaATgmailDOTcom} even if you're up for a friendly discussion!

mathew

2011-07-15T22:26:00.026-05:00

yes, mathew with one 't'.
my mathew.

ok, isabella's pretty much stolen him from me right now but he's still mine.

he's been having a bit of a hard time lately.
you see, my guy has got some back problems.

this is a long one! so make sure you have a few minutes!

a few years ago he was doing something, can't remember exactly what it was right now but he hurt his back. i don't think that it was anything major, just you know, normal stuff. normal farmer stuff. which probably isn't the stuff most people refer to as normal at all. anyway the pain was almost unbearable. he went to the chiropractor & was told he more than likely suffered a slipped disk.

"Although they do not actually "slip," a disk may split or rupture. This can cause the disk cartilage and nearby tissue to fail (herniate), allowing the inner gel portion of the disk to escape into the surrounding tissue. This leaking jelly-like substance can place pressure on the spinal cord or on an adjacent nerve to cause symptoms of pain either around the damaged disk or anywhere along the area controlled by that nerve.

The layman's term "slipped disk" is, therefore, a misnomer and actually refers to a condition whereby portions of an abnormal, injured, or degenerated disk have protruded against adjacent nerve tissues. This condition is also known as a herniated disk, ruptured disk, or prolapsed disk.. The most frequently affected area is in the low back, but any disk can rupture, including those in the neck."

{via emedicinehealth}

a while ago, it was after i had isabella so less than a year ago. i got a call from his mom.

"we need to you to bring the tahoe here mathew's been hurt"

i like to think that i'm usually pretty cool under pressure. except when it comes to bugs or pretty much anything that's not a big deal, then i go overboard. weird.

i just said ok & loaded up the kids & took off. no panicking. no questions asked.

between the first incident & this one the injury seem to bother him about every 6 months. it's like it wouldn't bother him at all and then one little thing, like bouncing around in a tractor or a semi truck would flare it up again.

this time i got there & he was sitting in a chair bent over unable to straighten back up.

he was unclogging the hay mower {?? i think ??} & when he went to stand back up the pain just hit him & he fell to the ground. normally his phone would be out of his pocket in the tractor. this time God had kept him from doing that so it was there when he needed it. there's no telling how long he would've been laying there if he hadn't had it on him. God is awesome isn't He?!

mathew called his dad, told him to come get him because his back hurt & he was going home. click.

dad, not knowing how bad this was decided to take mathew's truck to the field.

mathew's monster truck.

the one with the step that's at my face.

though i know i'm challenged in the height area. here'd a good picture of our height difference

when dad got there they tried to get him into the truck.

they gave up.

dad wanted to call an ambulance.

but they tried again & got it.

i got there, he got in the tahoe & we headed to the chiropractor.

he's not just our chiropractor, i honestly think we consider him a friend of the family.

mathew had re injured the disk from what he could feel. it would fix it self, but it would take a while.

i think that time mathew was out of commission, off from working for about a month.

for a while after that it seemed his back would get "hurt" every few weeks. not as bad. just a little sensitive. & so he'd take off work as not to hurt it worse or cause any problems. taking off work for a few days is better than being unable to work for a month.

i love the chiropractor. we both try to go often. him more than me. but it helps me a lot too. i went the whole time i was pregnant with isabella. ribs, hips, everything out of place. about a month and a half, maybe 2 months ago mathew went for an adjustment & Dr Ford told him that it seemed like he'd taken well enough care of it that it felt like it was as good as healed from what he could tell. both mathew & i had a sense of relief.

the week before the 4th of July mathew came home with a hurt back.

not in agony, just in pain. in a slightly different spot.

enough is enough. he's been working 1/2 days {that's an 8 hour day for a farmer}

Friday Dr Ford scheduled him for an MRI this coming Tuesday afternoon. once he gets the results he'll get to see what we're really dealing with here. he'll see what's wrong.

he'll refer him to a specialist who will let him know what his options are.

there's a good possibility he'll need to have back surgery.

i remember when i had isabella & had to have an emergency c-section, how helpless i felt.

i hated not being able to do my own things.

being told not to bend over, be on my feet too long, or pretty much do anything.

i can't imagine back surgery.

photo - Simplicity by Cara

so i'm asking you.

please.

please pray for him. please pray that the MRI might show that something alternative can be done. or that if he does need back surgery that it fixes it good. so that he doesn't have to go through this again.

please pray for Dr. Ford. for wisdom to make the right diagnosis, the right recommendations.

please pray for us. that we'll be able to budget our spending with all of this that's going on.

but mostly, i ask that you pray for mathew. that you pray he keeps his spirits up. that he doesn't get depressed, upset, or discouraged. he started to go there when he was hurt for that entire month+. & can only imagine when you're the head of a household, the "breadwinner", the leader, how hard it must be to need help, to not be able to do your job the way you want to.

thanks so much! i just know that you'll keep him in your thoughts & i'll keep you posted!

summer party

2011-07-15T12:29:00.001-05:00

my katlyn is growing up:

she came over about 2 weeks ago to drop some stuff off & i asked her what she was doing for her birthday.

"i don't know yet. i know i wan't to have a party, maybe at tiffany's house"

our friend tiffany & her husband just bought a house. one that came with a shop, a deck, a hot tub, 2 fish ponds, a gazebo & a pool. whew! sounds beautiful, but like a lot of work. as much as i'd love something like that i know it would be full of weeds & practically be ruined if i had to take care of it. i can barely keep up with the inside of my house, in fact i don't do that great of a job. tiffany though, she's awesome at stuff like that so she keeps it looking great!

the invitation read that the party would be held "in Tiffany's gazebo"

the guests saw this when they arrived.

candles lined the path to the gazebo

my first attempt at making bunting! i think it turned out pretty good! :)

doesn't it look lovely?!

pompoms, flag bunting, tulle, the works!

not to mention great food, which i forgot to take a picture of until my plate was pretty much empty

but believe me! it was yummy!

i think everyone enjoyed themselves.

i know i did.

this is Tracy & Elizabeth, Katlyn's mom & 1 of her sisters. they told me not to get weird or funny pictures of them.

what?! i'm sorry i didn't hear that!

we even got a couple of group shots!

& we each got 1 with the birthday girl!

i had to leave before pretty much anyone else. motherhood. kids with allergies. you know.

but before i left, the sun started setting & the party venue looked a little something like this

one of the prettiest parties, ever.

happy birthday Katlyn! love you!

so you know i'm crazy right?

2011-07-12T22:18:00.003-05:00

i re did my kitchen

i re-arranged my bedroom

made my lrg dining room into a "sitting room"/living room

and my giant living room {seen here} into a playroom/movie room

the main part of our basement was the play room/sewing room/laundry room but now my brother is living with us so i gave him the play room part. now the basement is billy's room/sewing room/laundry room

i'm organizing my "studio"/sewing area. think fabric, yarn, thread, felt, needles everywhere... everywhere.

my husband is use to this. but now. now i'm spreading my inclination to change things all the time to the internet.

i'm editing my friends list on facebook. try it sometime. it's liberating. {you should read this post by Kerri sometime, oh the jealousy}

twitter, needs editing

pinterest is self organized & amazing

my pictures, my bookmarks, my emails....

i'm rearranging/redesigning my blog.

that's where you come in

any suggestions?!

any ideas?

any "please stop doing {fill in the blank}"

lol

just let me know.

what would you like to know more about?

I have some how-to's lined up. {rag quilt tutorial, an easy breakfast, how-to vertical stripes on a wall like in my kitchen}

and pictures of one of the most beautiful birthday parties i've ever been to. that'll be Thursday :)

i also dove back into Created To Be His Help Meet so i'll start back up on Chapter 6 this Sunday.

any suggestions, any comments would be awesome!

you guys are the best!

inspiration workshop week 6

2011-07-07T08:13:00.004-05:00

if you haven't heard, i am joining up with Gussy for her Inspiration Workshop. each week we get a different prompt & this week’s prompt is: "PAMPER YOURSELF" in the prompt email Gussy said, quote: "I hope this prompt inspires you to take a little time to PAMPER YOURSELF. XOXO", so you know what?! I did!

yeah, i went & got a massage.

30 minutes.

kind of as a reward for doing a good job painting my kitchen.

for not giving up & going ahead with the stripes.

and doing it the right way.

honestly, after painting my shoulders were so tight it felt like i could never relax them

I went to Cathy Pawlus @ Chica Bella.

it's where i had my hair done for our wedding.

it's one of my favorite places. an old building that is picture perfect.

the kind of building that has this kind of ceiling when you look up

or when you're laying on your back to have your neck muscles worked on.

i also needed some "adult" conversation.

Cathy is very good about chatting if you want or just being quite if you want to relax.

so we chatted.

she lost her house in the tornado.

she's closing on a house next week.

she's getting married next year.

her life is changing.

& as long as she doesn't leave me, i'm happy for her.

when she worked on my shoulders.

she said quote "you're almost too tight to work on, I think you should go to the chiropractor"

she tried to work out some pretty painful knots.

you know, "good pain"

30 minutes of goodness

my neck felt so much better, but my upper back & shoulder's still hurt, though not as bad.

i can at least relax a bit now.

i called the chiropractor.

Thank you Gussy for "prompting" me to pamper myself.

even if it was long overdue & just for 30 minutes

Chica Bella Salon & Day Spa

(417) 621-0322

1220 S Main St, Joplin, MO 64801

kitchen reveal

2011-07-06T00:19:00.001-05:00

so... long story short, we live in the house my husband grew up in. his mom's kitchen theme is apples, which means i inherited her dark green wallpaper & light tan walls. not horrible, just too dark green for me. & light tan??! i think my legs blended in with that color. lol

forgot to take "before pics" so here's one of D in it making icing :)

I love red. specially my red Kitchen Aid Mixer. <3

& i KNOW that yellow isn't for everyone.

but i've always wanted a yellow kitchen.

yes that's sunscreen on the counter under the microwave! doesn't everyone keep sunscreen in the kitchen?! ;)

but i didn't just want plain yellow, i wanted a little something....

extra?!

a little something more....

emma?!

how about some ~~pain in the butt~~ stripes?!!

& one with some plates {& a fly swatter} on the wall.

{sorry for the crappy "night pic"}

i feel like maybe it's a little too bright...

but maybe just cause i'm not used to it...

honestly though, i really love it.

it's me.

it's way different than the rest of the house, maybe it needs painted too?!!

one room at a time emma... one room at a time!

it was photographed nice & neat just for you, but soon after i had to put my lovely "new" kitchen to work..

I think all the hard work, late nights, & under my breath cursing was worth the effort. i like it... & since i'm the cook, that's all that matters

{both colors by Sherwin-Williams. the brighter yellow is Cheerful Yellow & the lighter yellow is Fun Yellow}

my little superhero & his sidekick

2011-07-04T16:17:00.001-05:00

I think Douglas finally found a sidekick.

unlike Isabella, Harley will actually keep the cape on & run around with him.

we're enjoying our holiday, hope you are too!

Thank heave for independence & freedom...

& smore.s on a stick ;)

{capes by me}

painting

2011-07-01T16:24:00.001-05:00

is not for the faint of heart....

removing wallpaper

3 layers of wall paper

is not for the easily frustrated.

removing 3 layers of border

is not for slackers

painting vertical, or any way stripes on kitchen walls

is not for wimps or those want to do things the easy way.

there are no shortcuts

can't wait to show you the sunny, happy, very yellow, totally worth it finished product!!